almost there...

So firstly, I'm almost done with my first trimester of pregnancy! A little less than a week left, and I'm pretty excited about that. I'll be even happier when I don't feel like such crap all the time (morning sickness AND just plain exhaustion) Secondly, Bradford comes home soon! In about a week! I'm really excited about that. He hasn't really seen me since knowing about the pregnancy -- he's seen pictures, and he's seen over the web-cam, but that's about it. So I'm sure it'll be quite the shock for him. But that's just what I think. I could be totally wrong. Anyway, I'm excited to see him again -- I've missed him a whole bunch. I just don't want to leave my house super early in the morning to get to the airport on time. And I'll have to leave a little earlier than normal since I'll be heading up north around morning rush hour. Yeesh. Anyway.

So today (1 March) was my "12" week appointment...even though I'm not actually 12 weeks until Thursday. But I had that appointment today. Reilly came with me. She was so good. It was a pretty quick appointment...like most of them are. Got weighed (I lost a pound. lolz. Thanks morning sickness!!), they took my blood pressure (all normal), talked a little bit...including getting a memo from my Doc saying when my "no fly" date starts so that we can start the process of getting able to leave early. We're hopefully shooting for the end of July *crossing fingers* which, would give us only about 4 months to tie up loose ends here. Wow. 4 months? It seems like just yesterday Bradford was reenlisting! Oh, okay, back to the doctor appointment -- Reilly and I both got to hear the heart beat. Which was very exciting, of course! Reilly even got to help with the doppler by pushing the button to turn it on and off, and then helping wipe the gel off my stomach. Ew. I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but I hate that fucking gel. Whatever, Reilly was a huge big help, and she was such a good girl at the appointment. My next appointment is on 29 March (Reilly's birthday!) and she can't come to that one, so she's going to go hang out with Auntie Brooke for a little bit -- the next appointment is a "big" one I guess? Labs and what not. Doing some normal genetic testing (the same one that I had done with Reilly -- mehh I forget what its called) - blah blah blah. Bradford will be able to come to that one - pending they'll let him take off for it from work, which, they really have no reason not to. So that's whats up with the pregnancy thing. (Above picture is 11w2d) Also! I'll be making my appointment for my ultrasound sometime at the end of this week. That would be the ultrasound to find out the sex and make sure the baby is growing the right way. I'm so excited and so nervous at the same time. At first I really really wanted another girl -- but now, I really don't care either way. And I really mean that. I wouldn't mind having a girl OR a boy. Reilly gets to come to that one too -- unfortunately, her and daddy will have to hang out and wait until they get done taking measurements before they get to come in...which makes me sad...but kids under a certain age can't come in for the whole ultrasound. Sad.

Reilly's birthday is coming up, as previously stated, and I think I got all of her decorations for her party taken care of. I feel like I'm going way overboard for her birthday this year, but I have my reasons -- first, its her last birthday as an only child...and second, its her last birthday here in Washington for at least a couple years. So I want to make this one a good one. But I can't believe that my little girl is going to be 4! It seems like just yesterday I was holding her in my arms and she was so tiny...ahhh, hopefully I won't be getting teary-eyed on her birthday. So she's gonna have a SpongeBob themed birthday -- pictures will be coming afterward. I'm HOPING *crossing my fingers* that its going to be nice out. I'd really like to BBQ...but I won't hold my breath. It IS Washington after all. But that WOULD make me very awesomely happy. I would love it. Now I just have to get her birthday presents. I'm getting her a couple Transformer toys...and that's about all I got so far. We're talking about giving her Bradford's iTouch (its 8gb) because he's eventually going to get an iPhone...which I think is a great idea. She would absolutely love it.

What else? Oh! I am completely OBSESSED with etsy lately. I LOVE all the stuff that people put on there. I am completely obsessed and I wish I could afford all the stuff I want on there. The first order I placed was for reusable produce bags from etsy seller LoveForEarth. I CAN'T wait to use them! That over there to the left is what they look like. I use reusable bags 99% of the time (except the odd time I forget them at home when I go grocery shopping) and I'm so happy that I came across these, so now I don't have to use those crappy little produce bags that we just throw away. SOO excited! There are so many more things that I wish I could buy. I'm really big on cameo jewelry and vintage kitchen gadgets right now. So maybe soon. I also got Season 1 of Glee on Amazon for a little over $30 for everything (including shipping) and a book (more like a journal) for all the recipes that i have floating around in my head, and around my house. I need a cute, nice place that I can keep them all, especially when we move -- I don't need all that stuff floating around all over the house! So I'm also excited for all those goodies. I love internet goodies.

Also! One more thing. Today is my dad's birthday! He's 50 today! Old fart. :D I love my dad. I've been through so many mixed feelings towards him over the last 10 years, and I've had to work past a lot of things, but, I know my dad loves me, and I love him and I'm so glad that I have him in my life. He's very important to me, and Reilly, and I would like to assume Brad too. And I know he's important to my mom and my brother and sister-in-law. So Happy Birthday to my favorite dad ever. I hope he has had a fantastic day and enjoys being half a century old. And just a couple years away from senior discounts! ;)

That's it for today -- more soon. Back to trying to outbid other ebayers.

<3

100 life lessons for Reilly

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this was uncalled for

Well, we'll go ahead an update since I really haven't for a week or a couple days or whatever, and today, I really have nothing of value coming up (I have actually started a blog on parenting and religion, but I kinda lost my train of thought on that one, so I'll have to pick it up later) so we'll just do this for now.

First off -- if you live in Washington, I hope you are enjoying this beautiful weather! It has been absolutely GORGEOUS the last couple days. *in the picture is Mt. Rainier, I finally got a decent shot when Ri-Baby and I were at the park the other day* It's gonna be going back to the rain here pretty soon, so I've been soaking up this sun. I absolutely LOVE the sunshine. It doesn't matter if its cold, or hot, as long as the sun is shining, I am one happy girl. Which is why I'm not at all complaining about moving to Hawaii this summer.

Lets see, what else? Oh I've been reading A LOT lately. In the last week or so, I've read Push by Sapphire (which the movie Precious is based off of) which is about a 16 year old girl who can't read or write, and was molested by her dad most of her life...and had two children by him. It goes through her struggles and how she betters herself -- it was a really quick read -- a little over 100 pages. But it was a pretty good book. I also read Dear John by Nicolas Sparks (the movie is also out in the theater if you're curious) - about the Army vet who falls in love with a girl, and their struggles through him being stationed over seas, and then deployments after 9/11. It was a pretty sad and sappy book. I cried through a lot of it...but I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I know whats going on...I'm "in the thick of it" I guess you could say. That and pregnancy hormones. Haha. Sooo yea. I would have ended up reading the whole book in one night, but I needed to get some sleep. But it was also a good book -- I haven't actually read any of his other books, but I hear they are good as well. I was just a little shocked at how the book ended...buttt that's cool. It was still good. Currently I'm reading Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According To Kathy Griffin (by Kathy Griffin, obviously). I absolutely LOVE Kathy Griffin. I think she is so fucking hilarious. Her book is turning out to be good too. Next is Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane -- which is now a major motion picture. I haven't read any reviews on the movie, or the book, and I don't want to, mostly because I would much rather read the book first and then see the movie than vice versa. Plus, Shutter Island seems like one of those movies that's probably going to scare the crap outta me and since Bradford isn't here to save me from the boogie man, I decided I wasn't going to go see it while he was gone. So yea.

I don't think a lot of people peg me as a reader -- and while I don't read the most thought provoking, or difficult books, I do read quite a bit, and I do love it. I don't know why I wouldn't be begged as a reader either...I mean, does a part of my personality just scream that? I know that Bradford REALLY hates when I get really into a book, because I basically ignore anything and everything else. Haha. But I can't help when I'm really into a book and I just can't stop. Oh well. I enjoy reading my books -- and that's that.


What else? Oh. Baby update. Umm well, I'm 10 weeks 3 days today (Feb. 21st) I took this picture on Feb. 18th (10weeks)...I still feel like shit. The one thing I want to do is cook and eat food I cook instead of processed shit...I just know that I need to eat, and whatever sounds good is just what I need to eat. My goal right now is to get food in my stomach, every day, and no matter what I eat, I guess is good enough for me right now. I'm hoping this morning sickness just goes away in a couple weeks, so I can start eating real, good food again. I found a couple recipes that I want to make, including this Shrimp and Corn Chowder. Tomorrow I'm actually going to try to make Mustard Chicken -- a recipe that my mother in law makes, and since its just in a crock pot, I think I might be able to handle it. But thats what I really want to do is start cooking again. I never realized how much cooking actually meant to me and how much I really enjoyed it...I mean, I knew I loved it, but sometimes I just thought "why do I do this every single night??" But now I know. And I miss it. But I'm still trying. And I'm still trying to get this house in order -- I'm so exhausted all the time though...like today for example. I had what I like to refer to as an "exhaustion hangover". Yesterday I think I just over exerted myself and today I was just completely wiped out. So I took like, a three hour nap today...and I'm STILL exhausted. Somethings got to give with this pregnancy. I'm already huge, I'm completely exhausted, and sick, and I just want to feel GOOD again. I know it'll pass, but a week and a half is too long to HOPEFULLY be feeling better. *sigh* I'll just deal like I have been. Doing things here and there and trying to keep up with the house work, and taking breaks when I need them, and regaining my energy. That's about all I can do right now. And when I have more energy, I'll be a happy camper. :) I have a feeling that Bradford might think I'm exaggerating some of it...I'm not sure if that's the case or not, but I'm not. (So darling, if you're reading this, I called your ass out. lolz)

So other than that...life has been going by smoothly. Ri's still driving me nuts, as normal. But Bradford will be home in a short couple weeks -- thank goodness. Then its getting plans rollin to get outta here early. We've also already been talking about where we might possibly want to get stationed after Hawaii (lol 3+ years away). But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it...in a couple years. Jumping the gun at its finest.

I need to get some sleep -- Its midnight and I'm still having problems sleeping....so the sooner I get to sleep, the better for me, and everyone else.

<3

you ever have just one of those days....

Today has just been a blah day. I've had some morning sickness here and there, and sure, I've been tired, but a lot today has just been an icky day.

A lot of it has to do with the fact that Bradford is gone...and while I'm a little used to it, it still doesn't make me feel very good. There are days when I miss the crap outta him...and other days I do just fine...like its just another day. Today was one of those days where I miss the crap outta him and I just wanted to give him a really long hug all day long. Some of it has to do with the fact that he's frustrated about stuff that he's dealing with, and that I can't do anything to fix it or make him feel better about it. And of course I want to make things better for him when they go wrong, just like he would want to do for me, and it makes me sad that I can't. Some of it has to do with the pregnancy and being emotional to begin with. My brother in law is heading off again to the middle east, just a year after he got home...and he'll be gone another year...and for some reason its just extra bad this time around for me. Maybe its because I finally got to meet him face to face after Bradford and I had been married two years recently? Maybe its the pregnancy and the fact that I'm bring his niece or nephew into the world? Maybe its a mix of things. I dunno...but I'll be thinking about him...and of course, keeping him updated.

Its days like this where I just want to crawl into a hole and just sleep it out. I've been crying all day on and off for ridiculous reasons -- mostly for unreasonable things -- more insurance commercials...American Idol...just because? I've been lashing out at poor Reilly...and I feel so horrible because, yea, she gets on my nerves sometimes, but she's in general a really good kid...and I love her to death...but I lash out at her sometimes when I'm upset or whatever. I feel bad. But I just get so stressed out about it. And it doesn't help in the least that Bradford isn't home to help take some of the stress away. But I've been trying really hard to be patient with her, and I'll continue to do that. I cried because my house is a disaster area because I'm too exhausted to do everything. So this week I'm going to try to do one room a day...today I accomplished Reilly's room, which instantly made me feel better.

So thats about it...I need to head to bed. Stay tuned for the next installment of my bitch fest.

<3

Baby Update 1

Sooo I haven't really updated on the baby situation since my post about being pregnant. How odd of me. Sooo lets see, we found out I was pregnant on January 17th 2010. I had my first doctors appointment on February 1st...which, turns out was just an intake appointment...which was pretty lame. Paperwork, blood work, some bullshit genetic testing class that was required before I could even schedule my first appointment with an actual doctor. Silly. Anyway, so I did that on February 1st. February 5th I had my first appointment with my doctor. I had to wake up at like, 630 in the morning for my 845 am appointment.

So my appointment. Went in there, did the normal "hey, hows it goin, how ya feelin" crap. Filled out a depression questionnaire. Hooray. Those things are also irritating. Did the glorious pap smear. *shudder* I know you all shuddered too, its okay...they suck. After we did that, the doctor busted out the fetal doppler. HOW I LOVE THE GEL!! :/ Seriously, that shit is gross. Well, she couldn't find the heartbeat. They thought I was 12 weeks, and should have been able to hear the heartbeat. So she brought out the portable ultrasound machine! Yippie! She tried it on the outside first...she could barely see the baby, so we got to do the vaginal ultrasound. Yup. That was just as fun as the pap! Sooo she did that. Great times. But she could see the baby. And the heartbeat. And she measured him/her. He or she was 8 weeks 1 day as of February 5th. That over there is my little turtle. Today (February 12th) the baby is 9 weeks and 1 day. Only 31 weeks left to go! haha. No seriously, its going to be a fun, awesome ride. I've already started picking out baby accessories (stroller, sling, etc...) but no clothes or bedding or anything like that until we know the sex of the baby. I like being prepared with clothing and I hate being surprised. It helped me bond with Reilly and I think it'll help me bond with this new baby. Bradford and I have also been talking about where we're going to have the baby. We've discussed it and it seems like the best idea is going to be for us to move to Hawaii before the baby is born. I won't be able to handle not having my own space when the baby gets here. If we stayed in Washington till the baby was born, we would be staying at my parents house and have to drive a good 45 minutes to the hospital. And I want my baby to have their own space in their own house when they're born. And I think that Reilly is going to need her room all put together when the baby comes...I think its going to be a big deal to her. Maybe I'm wrong. I dunno. So we're looking to move most likely sometime in August...we're not 100% as to when...and even though this isn't what I wanted...this is the lesser of two evils in my opinion. And we'll work it out...we always do. Also, my next appointment is on March 1, so expect an update around then...but until then, enjoy my rants and whatever about ridiculous other shit...like which stroller I've decided I want, and what foods I can and can't eat!

<3

life...

I wish that sometimes I actually had something to blog about -- but since I *try* to blog with purpose, and things of purpose rarely come to me, it seems like a loss. About once a year or so, I look back at my most up-kept blogs on myspace and livejournal, and I watch myself grow up. I watched myself go from a "fuck-life" 19 year old with nothing to lose, to a 25 year old mom and wife who respected people, held her friends close, and in general, loved life. Sometimes I ask myself, "what the fuck happened?" What happened to me when I was in my late teens that made me hate life so much, and everyone around me? What made me act like such an ignorant asshole? I could pick things here and there; family problems, an abusive ex-boyfriend, drinking, smokin pot all the time...and I think just everything came together in one big BANG and well, you got 19 year old me.

I wish I could apologize to everyone I hurt intentionally...and in fact, the most important one, my mom, I did apologize to.

But it turns out that I actually LIKE being a responsible grown up. Who the fuck knew?! Sure, I like going out to the bar, hanging out with my besties, tossin down a few drinks, whatever, but I would choose parenting and being a wife over drinking any day. Some of my FAVORITE nights are nights I've just spent hanging out with Bradford and Reilly. Why people don't want to be responsible is beyond me. Now, I get it. Kids are tough. We ALL need a break. We can.not. physically, mentally, emotionally, be attached to our kids, or even our spouses 24/7. I don't know how people used to do it, but we all need a break every once in awhile, no matter how much we love our kids and SO's. But, those breaks are few and far between.

And there is something so attractive about a man who actually takes responsibility for himself, his family, and his life. Which is part of what attracted me to Brad in the first place. Sure, he didn't have all his ducks in a row, but they were getting there. I knew he would be a good provider for me, and Reilly, and whatever other babies we decided to have (13 according to him). I'm so thankful that I have someone who is responsible like me. He likes his job for the most part, and he's good at what he does, and he takes care of us. And I love him so much for that.

So ladies and gentlemen -- the lesson of my blog tonight, I suppose, is to grow the fuck up and be responsible. Its not always easy, or fun, and sometimes its barely doable. But come on. If you're bettering yourself, or your situation, you're being responsible. And by that I mean, you have a steady job that you don't intend to fuck up, you're going to school, you can pay at least some of your own bills...you take care of your kids, your pets, your family...you don't take people for granted or use them because you "just can" or "something is just holding you back". We all need help at one point or another, but bettering yourself is a start. I love and respect all my friends, even if they are barely getting by, who can act like the responsible adults we are all supposed to be in our mid to late 20's. I don't respect those people who just expect everyone to hand them everything in life...like the entire world and all its inhabitants own them something. That ex I was talking about earlier? Yea, he acted...and still acts like the world owes him something. Like every single person on this planet fucked him over. He expects everything to go his way, all the time, or fuck it all. How is that a life? How can one enjoy anything without working for what you want? Or taking the easy way out? When something doesn't go as planned, you fucking figure it out how to get to where you want, OR you make another fucking plan and you deal with it.

And that's why I have the friends that I do. They get it. They deal with it. And they don't take life or the people in it for granted. And I love them all for it.

<3