16 February, 2010

you ever have just one of those days....

Today has just been a blah day. I've had some morning sickness here and there, and sure, I've been tired, but a lot today has just been an icky day.

A lot of it has to do with the fact that Bradford is gone...and while I'm a little used to it, it still doesn't make me feel very good. There are days when I miss the crap outta him...and other days I do just fine...like its just another day. Today was one of those days where I miss the crap outta him and I just wanted to give him a really long hug all day long. Some of it has to do with the fact that he's frustrated about stuff that he's dealing with, and that I can't do anything to fix it or make him feel better about it. And of course I want to make things better for him when they go wrong, just like he would want to do for me, and it makes me sad that I can't. Some of it has to do with the pregnancy and being emotional to begin with. My brother in law is heading off again to the middle east, just a year after he got home...and he'll be gone another year...and for some reason its just extra bad this time around for me. Maybe its because I finally got to meet him face to face after Bradford and I had been married two years recently? Maybe its the pregnancy and the fact that I'm bring his niece or nephew into the world? Maybe its a mix of things. I dunno...but I'll be thinking about him...and of course, keeping him updated.

Its days like this where I just want to crawl into a hole and just sleep it out. I've been crying all day on and off for ridiculous reasons -- mostly for unreasonable things -- more insurance commercials...American Idol...just because? I've been lashing out at poor Reilly...and I feel so horrible because, yea, she gets on my nerves sometimes, but she's in general a really good kid...and I love her to death...but I lash out at her sometimes when I'm upset or whatever. I feel bad. But I just get so stressed out about it. And it doesn't help in the least that Bradford isn't home to help take some of the stress away. But I've been trying really hard to be patient with her, and I'll continue to do that. I cried because my house is a disaster area because I'm too exhausted to do everything. So this week I'm going to try to do one room a day...today I accomplished Reilly's room, which instantly made me feel better.

So thats about it...I need to head to bed. Stay tuned for the next installment of my bitch fest.

<3

1 comment:

Laura said...

Oh, Sweetie. Two words -- it's normal. What you are experiencing is normal and understandable. Trust hubby to be comforted by the fact you would help if you could. Brother in law will remember you are thinking about him. And explain things to Ri. She's smart. She'll understand that sometimes Mom gets wacko because she's preggers. Don't blame the baby to her though. She may resent him or her. And "keep on keeping on.". Love you. Mom