20 May, 2011

I'm gonna whore myself out a little bit.....

So the other day, Blogger went down for maintenance. Just as I was finishing up an update about my super secret news. Which got deleted. *sigh* So I'll have to rewrite it sooner or later. I have a couple things that I want to get around to writing about (and soon my super secret news...), but for right now, I'm going to do a shameless business plug.

So if you read my blog, you'll know that I am well on my way to becoming a doula. The only thing standing in my way right now is my births, which I have two lined up for later this month and in July. I've got almost all my reading done (literally, I am on the last part of a couple of books), and I need to do a survey of the childbirth classes available in my area, but I am this close to getting my certification.

I took a big leap and already started getting things ready for my own small business. I still get all excited thinking about the fact that I am going to own a small business. So I figured out a name...which I was stressing over for a really long time...but ya know, the thing about stuff like that, is it just comes to you. Which it did this time. I started thinking about what I wanted to do as a doula, and my personal goal is to make sure mama is as calm as she can be. So!

Calm Mama Doula Services!!  (you can find my website at that link)
Calm Mama Doula Services Facebook business page

You can also find me on twitter @calmmamadoula.

I know right?! Aren't you excited too?!?  I've been trying to make a list of all the stuff I need for an information binder for my clients to borrow during their time as my client. I'm also trying to put together my intake and confidentiality forms. I also have business cards that I need to get printed!!

I also have a ton of not fun business things to take care of...like signing up for an LLC (or obtaining?), and getting a business bank account, and getting everything set up so I can have a productive business. I also have to figure out how I'm going to pay for some things that I want for my "doula bag".....I found some awesome stuff at this website called Your Doula Bag, which I'll probably be buying from (and after my certification I can write off as a business expense!).

So you guys, if you read my blog, go like my fan page for my doula business! If you have any friends living on Oahu, who are pregnant and looking for a doula, point them my way! I know that not all doulas and clients fit together -- it's just like building a relationship.

I'm just so flipping excited!

OH! And can I just say how much I ADORE my husband for being so supportive of what I'm doing? Technically, he's helped me get my certifying clients, which I very much appreciate. He's been pimpin my business on his facebook. He's been helping me with reviewing my forms and information. He even sat down and helped me make my business cards! Aren't I super lucky?! The answer is yes. Yes I am.

So there it is!! Almost the official start of my new doula business. I know the business isn't going to be pouring in right away...which is fine with me...it'll give me some time to get everything together. Plus, I don't want a bombarded business...I want to be able to function, and still be able to spend time with my family.

I can't wait to share with you my super secret news guys, and I can't wait to get started on my doula venture.


11 May, 2011

Two Kisses for Maddy

Yesterday, a friend posted a status on Facebook about the book she was reading. After a couple posts back and forth, I went and checked out the blog of one Matt Logelin over at his blog, matt, liz and madeline. For those of you who are unfamiliar with his blog, he writes about the love of his life, the birth of his daughter, and the untimely death of the mother of his child, just before she was supposed to meet their daughter for the first time.

His book is basically an extension of his blog...he goes through the meeting of his wife, their life together, finding out that she was pregnant, the birth of their daughter, and ultimately the death of his wife. He writes about the struggles he faced as not only a widower, but as a single dad. It's called Two Kisses for Maddy.

When I heard about this book, I had never heard of Matt's blog before. But I read the back story, which you can read on his website if you follow the "haven't been here before" tab. I cried. After reading a couple of posts, I decided to put even more money on my credit card to buy the e-book. (Which, I'll be honest...I love my e-reader, and appreciate that my husband bought it for me, but nothing can possibly compare to holding a real book in your hands -- plus, you look uber smart with a bookcase overflowing with books instead of a nifty little hand-held device with books on it.)

Two Kisses for Maddy

The book is short....well...short in my mind...at only 242 pages. It was a quick read (for me) and I finished it in just a few hours. I'll admit, I'm not usually one to read the sappy books, especially if its a true story. When I read, I like to be taken away to a fantasy place with fantasy people. I don't like to be reminded that bad things happen to good people. I don't like to read a book, knowing that someone went through all of these things. But this book was good. This book was different. This wasn't a self help book, but a very real, very raw glimpse into the life of one man, who gained a daughter and lost a wife, all in the span of 27 hours. This man, who was in a great deal of pain rose up to the challenge of keeping the spirit of his wife alive for their newborn daughter. He took it as a personal mission to let his daughter know what a special woman her mama was. All while dealing with the funeral arrangements, friends and family, and the death of the woman that he loved with all his heart.

I'm not big on writing book reviews. If I like a book, I'll recommend it to friends who ask for book suggestions. But rarely to I flat out say "go read this book". But this was different....and I think it's because everyone, at some time or another, wonders what would happen if the love of their life died, especially if you still have young kids at home. I've probably thought about it more than most people, just based on the fact that my husband has been and will continue to be put in dangerous situations. Every time he leaves our house to go do something for the Army, there is always a chance he won't come back. Reading this book hit those nerves inside me that are specifically set aside for deployment times. It was hard enough to read it with him sleeping right next to me, where I knew he was safe and sound, and I'm glad that I didn't decide to read this book during a deployment where those feelings are always at the surface.

This book,  this glimpse into the life of a man with so much love, is heart wrenching. I cried through about half of the book. I laughed at a couple spots. I looked at my husband while he slept and I stayed up (late) reading (which I have a tendency to do if I find a book that's worth it) and thought about what I would do if my husband was suddenly ripped from my life. How would I react? Where would I go? What would I do? How would I tell the girls that their daddy was gone? How would I make sure that they had a strong male role model (or 5 or 10?)

Or what if it was me? How would Brad deal with it? Would he raise the girls how I would have? Would he remind them how much I loved them, and would he tell them all about our life together? Would he make sure their hair was perfectly and their clothes were matching? Would he bring them home to visit all their relatives and make sure that they were surrounded by love?

Obviously the answer is, of course he would. If either one of us was just suddenly gone, we would each do the best we could to make sure that our girls knew their other parent loved them. And to keep the spirit of that person alive.

We are very lucky to have the family that we do. Not just our immediate families....not just moms and dads, brothers and sister...we have an amazing extended family. Not just our aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, but our friends, who are so close, they are like our family. We have strong, amazing men in our lives who would be there to help the girls if Brad was gone. We have equally strong, amazing women in our lives who would be there in a heart beat to help if I was gone.

This book made me so thankful that I have what I do. And it makes my heart break for this man and his little girl, because she will never get to know the amazing woman her daddy loved.

So. In short, read this book. Make sure you have some tissues.

03 May, 2011

Guilty of Being a Helicopter Parent

Over at The Deranged Housewife's blog today, she posted about "Free-Range Kids". She posed the question on her facebook:
Are you totally "free range," a helicopter parent or somewhere in the middle? 
photo from journeyerschronicles.com
 I thought about it as I read her blog...and answered that I'm more of a "helicopter parent" than I would like to be. With Reilly being my first born, and being a first time mom with her, I've always been a little overly protective of her. I used to scoop her up at every little boo-boo or bump and cuddle her till she felt better. I don't really let her move too far away from me...I want her to be in my eye sight, and me in hers, at all times. While my mom and sister-in-law were here, we went to the Aloha Stadium swap meet. I was with my sister-in-law, Trish, Reilly and Ophelia. Reilly said that she wanted to go see grandma, who was probably about 5 booths down or so. I said okay, and I watched her walk down into the booth that she was in. A few minutes later, she was no where to be found! I flipped out...my heart was beating really fast, I was worried...I couldn't find my baby! There were so many people there, and I didn't know any of them, or if they had any intentions that weren't good. 
 It was scary! Eventually we found her...she had walked out of the booth my mom was in to come back to me and Trish. I yanked her arm and we stepped aside to talk about WHY we ABSOLUTELY DO NOT walk away from people without telling them. I was furious and scared. I asked her what would happen if someone swiped her, and how that would make everyone feel! We agreed that everyone would be sad and worried if we didn't know where she was, and she would be scared. 
The idea of letting Reilly walk out our front door with her little bike and helmet and going for a joy ride up and down the block terrifies me. The idea of letting her go run off and play with other kids makes me wanna barf. There are so many things that scare me about letting her be a "free-range kid". I'm scared that someone is just gonna yank her off the street. Just the other day, down the road from us, some guy just grabbed a little four year old girl out of her front yard. Just reached over the fence and grabbed her! He said that the little girl "looked like" his own four year old daughter...I'm sorry...but no. You know what your child looks like. He was just trying to swipe a little kid. This was literally a mile or less away from our home. Now, how scary is that shit, right? 

I want to be able to give Reilly a little more freedom...she's getting older. When I was a little older than her, I would stay out as late as I possibly could with my neighbors, playing around where ever, riding our bikes in the neighborhood, never a worry on my mind. I remember one summer staying in a cold pool so long that my knees turned blue. I used to be able to do that....and now...it doesn't feel so safe. It's not that I don't trust my kid...I do...I don't trust anyone else though. I don't even trust other kids...because lets face it...other kids are mean and sneaky now! 

I know I can't continue to be a "helicopter parent" for the rest of my life...I know eventually I'll have to let my kids do things by themselves. I know one day, Reilly will be okay riding her bike down to the park and I can trust her to come back in safe condition. I'm confident that I can teach her to avoid bad situations and people. But when does that start? When do I let the leash go a little bit, and let her do things herself without me there?  How to a become okay with myself and her ability to be a "big kid", and not stress over it?
I know that down the road, there will be other things along this same line that I'll worry about...I'll worry when she starts driving and stays out past her curfew...which...she's my kid...she'll do it eventually. I'll be worried when she doesn't call me when she's supposed to, or when she's not where she said she was going to be. And I'll cross that road when I get there...but right now, I'm just worried about how to transition from my baby being a baby to a big kid, and how to deal with that.

Mamas (and daddies) -- how have you dealt with letting your child venture out? What do you think is an appropriate age to give them a little more freedom? And how do you calm your anxiety about it?