I am excited. Super excited. Why? I have successfully pumped about 10oz of breast milk. I have 5 little bags in my freezer at this time that have the very best thing for my baby in them. This is exciting for me for a couple of reasons. First, it was more than I ever pumped with Reilly. With Reilly, I was so stressed that I couldn't pump, no matter what I did. Even when I was engorged, it didn't work for me. I had an amazing pump too, so it wasn't the pump. It was me. I physically unable to pump because of how stressed I was. Second, if I keep on pumping the way I am, I won't have to supplement for any reason. I feel accomplished!
This was something that I really wanted to do. Really bad. I felt like a big time failure after I stopped breast feeding after three months with Reilly. Even 4 years later, way after I would have weaned her if I had continued to breast feed, I still feel guilty after all this time. Maybe I was too young when I had Reilly to really stick to my guns, and what I knew was the best thing for her. I guess I shouldn't feel guilty...she's a happy, healthy, well rounded 4 and a half year old. I just feel like I could have done so much better with her when she was a baby. I guess I'll have to get past it eventually...forgive myself in a sense for not doing the very best for my little lady.
But on the bright side, I feel totally ready and willing to breastfeed for at least 6 months with Ophelia. That is my goal. If I go longer, then yay, but if I get to 6 months and decide to wean, then at least I made it to my goal. I don't know what's going to happen in the next 6 months, and maybe weaning will be the best choice for us, especially since I want to get into the learning and what not. We'll see...we'll see. I'm just proud of myself for being so pro-breast feeding right now. I don't even freak out about feeding her in public, especially when she's in her wrap...its so easy. And you can tell its working...today we had to switch her out of newborn size diapers, which I believe fit babies up to 8lbs, into her cloth diapers because the disposables were too tight on her. YAY! I am so excited about that too. I'm hoping she has another growth spurt soon since the diapers go halfway up her stomach.
So that's where we're at with breastfeeding. Really, its amazing this time around. I mean, I'm a walking food machine, and sure, sometimes its a little bit of a pain in the ass -- like when we're on our way home and Ophelia wants to eat RIGHT NOW, or every 30 minutes or so for hours on end, but its worth it. She's happy. I'm happy. Reilly thinks its awesome. Brad seems happy with my choice...mostly because he gets to be pervy and look whenever I'm feeding Ophelia. It just works with our household.
And that makes me happy.