27 January, 2010

Army Wife 101.1

When I met my husband, I was 22...still young by most peoples standards. But I had a daughter...I had been through trials and tribulations already. I knew a thing or two about life. I knew how to decide who to trust...what was important in life...and for the most part, what I wanted out of life. When I met my husband, I never thought about being an army wife. In fact, the one guy that I had dated who was in the army completely turned me off to ALL military guys.
When I met my husband, I met him outside of a bar, on a Saturday night, where I was hanging out with my ex boss and my cousin. I introduced myself to him. (Not the other way around). I hit on him. (But he did pay for the drinks...and "breakfast"...and the hotel room...but whatever)
When I met my husband, one of the FIRST things he said to me was; "I'm in the Army...I'm going to be getting deployed sometime in the next year."

There were a few things I didn't remember about that night, but that was one that I did remember. I remember the next couple days, and talking to him via text, and on the phone, and I remember thinking, 'why would anyone ever put themselves in that position?' My uncle has been in the army as long as I can remember. He just recently returned home from his third deployment. His wife got years and years with him before his first one. But I remember that...why would a woman, or a man for that matter, put herself into a position like that?

Less than two months later, with his co-workers as his witnesses (none of his family), and my family present, we got married. I soon learned WHY someone would put themselves into a position where the person that they love has to leave them...because they love them. I didn't marry Bradley because he was in the army, or because of his car, or how much money he makes (though, at first I totally had the hots for him because of the car....joking! joking!). I married him because of how I feel when I'm around him...and how much I care about him. I married him KNOWING that the army came first in his life -- not second, third, fourth, or fifth...and that nothing else could hold a candle to the importance of the army in his life. Okay, that parts not true...I'm pretty sure that we're all more important than the army -- or at least I'd like to think so.

I can't bring myself to sugar coat deployments and training. It fucking sucks. There were days when I couldn't do anything buy just try not to cry when Bradley was deployed, especially in the beginning. That was all I would do all day was hope that I didn't cry. I, like a lot of wives, tried to be the "super wife". I was mom, dad, wife, husband, best friend....everything to everyone. Training was a little different than a deployment. That was usually in the states -- and if he was gone long enough, I could visit.

What I can't possibly understand is how women (or men) can get angry at either their spouses or the military. This is THEIR JOB. This is what they signed up for, most of the time, before they MET their significant other. Bradley was in the army...5-6 years before he met me! Yes, I can be upset that he has to leave...I can be sad. How could you not? The only reason you wouldn't be sad or upset is if you didn't give a shit, and I give a shit. But I can't fault my husband for doing his job. That's like marrying a cop and getting pissed off at him/her that they have to go to work at 2am. Its ridiculous! We may all not believe in the government, or the war, or whatever, but that doesn't mean that the entire world is going to stop and do whatever the fuck you want it to do. To a certain extent, its true when people say that the government doesn't care about military families. It isn't their JOB TO CARE ABOUT US! They didn't invest their time and money in these soldiers to care. The army wasn't made to make sure that men or women had their spouses home. The army was made to protect the citizens of the United States (whether we believe in a war or not).

I love my husband. I love that he is at least passionate about what he does to continue to do it. I love that he can provide for himself and our family. I couldn't possibly stand in the way of what he does or needs to do. I hate it. I hate that he has to be gone. I hate that he can't be with me every single day, and fall asleep with me every single night...but the difference between me, and a lot of other military wives is that I get it. I understand it. I don't much like it, but I'm okay with it. And I'm so so so proud of him for the sacrifices he makes. And I know he's proud of me too. And in the end, all I ask is that he comes home safe and sound, that I don't go too crazy without him, and that at the end of the day we love each other. That's all I can hope for.


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