24 January, 2010

well congratulations then

january. 17th. 2010

what could possibly be that important, other than the mundane drones of everyday stay at home mommy-hood?

well, we'll start from the beginning.
Bradford left last Friday. No, not for a deployment. Not really for training either. Just as...support I guess, would be the best way to describe it. Which..ya know, its fine. I was pretty pissed off at first because he was missing my birthday. AGAIN. For the third year in a row. Everyone says "well, you should get used to it." or "you knew what was going to happen when you got married to a guy in the military"....well fuck you guys. I think I have every right to be irritated and pissed off that he is missing my birthday. I'm not mad at HIM -- so lets make that clear. I'm mad at the SITUATION. I'm mad that I had to turn 23, 24 and 25 all without a kiss or a hug from my husband. I'm mad that what was once the most important day in the year (with a couple of exceptions of course), has now managed to dwindle its way down to say...I dunno...Presidents Day. But I digress. I was pissed. I'm over it now.
Saturday after he left, my mom came over to watch Ri and Jax so I could go run some errands by myself -- and I don't mind taking Ri with me to run errands...but Jax needs a babysitter...so, whatever.
Sunday. Should have been a normal Sunday right? Promises of eggs and bacon for breakfast, only to discover that I forgot eggs at the fucking store the day before and all the bacon was frozen -- I sat down, uncomfortably adjusted myself, I held the piece of plastic in my fingers. I placed it on the counter and stood up, getting myself comfortable again. I stayed locked in there for what seemed like forever.

one line....*no..are you fucking kidding me?! wait...just wait...somethings wrong...I know it...*
two lines....*oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck -- Brad is STILL on an airplane flying to fucking Thailand!! OH FUCK!*

Lets pause right here shall we? I have to explain something. We've been trying to get pregnant since...May 2009. I have thought I was pregnant about 5 times since then. I've been stressed out at the fact that it seemed I was unable to get pregnant. I just ended up putting it out of my head for the holidays because we had a lot going on...a trip to Ohio to see our family, and all the Christmases we had to do before we left. Before Brad left, I told him...I TOLD HIM -- watch this. I'm gonna have a positive pregnancy test AS SOON AS YOU LEAVE.

What happened?! That's EXACTLY what happened.

I had to wait THREE HOURS. Do you know how long three hours is? 180 minutes. A long, fucking time. Especially when the first person you HAVE to tell is your husband...aside from Reilly, who asked why mommy was crying.

I sent him a text message saying "Call me ASAP" and I waited. He would get the text a little while after he got off the plane...I sat down at the dining room table and stared at the computer screen. Google - how to tell your husband you are pregnant. First off....fuck all that stuff. It doesn't tell you a cute way to tell your husband who is HALF WAY ACROSS THE WORLD that you are pregnant. So, I worked with what I had.

"Hey baby! Whats so important..why did I need to call ASAP?"
"Oh...no reason really...I just wanted to see how your flight was.." (fyi, I am HORRIBLE at lying.)
"Oh...uhh..well, you said ASAP...so I figured it was something important"
"No...not really....but I mean, I've been thinking....I don't think we can go to see your parents in September like we were thinking"
"What? Why not?"
"Well...I might be in the hospital" (by this point I'm crying...I'm trying to keep my composure, but I failed)
"Uhh okay...why?"
"Why do you think?! To have a baby!!" (full on tears streaming down the face)
"Oh god are you serious?!...Are you gonna keep it?!" (thank you dear husband for that.)

The last part of the conversation was kind of a blur...he had to go get on a shuttle...I was a total mess. BUT the most important person had been told, so now I could go down the list of other important people to call...my parents, my inlaws, my best friend, my grandma. I've told a couple of very close friends...but for the most part I've kept my mouth shut. Just because I want to wait until I went to the doctor to see how far along I am. I'm skeptical about telling people before I know how far along I am...I also have this completely irrational fear that something is going to happen, and I'm going to move the wrong way, or something, and I'm going to miscarry. What else is up on my list of worries? Twins. Fuck me if I'm pregnant with twins.

Right. So. Thats how my week has been.

We are completely elated. I'm sure he's a little bummed that he has to basically enjoy the first trimester of my pregnancy half way across the world...but, whatever.

We're gonna have a baby!!!


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