Why I Can't Win as a Mom

All moms (okay, the majority of moms) and dads want to do the very best that they can for their children. Some of us moms, take the extra step and buy organic, natural, good things for our children. It's not easy to find great things for out children to use...especially in this economy because generally, those things are really expensive.

After a conversation with my best friend this morning about Aquafresh Training Toothpaste (designed for babies 3-24 months), and being curious as to how good it is for kids that little to be using toothpaste, she pointed me to a website called Cosmetics Database, where they rate how good a product is for you to use based on the ingredients. It's on a scale of 0-10, 0 being the best and 10 being the worst.

I looked up the current shampoo/body wash that I use for Ophelia, which scored a 4-5. Now, a 4-5 out of 10 doesn't seem too bad...but if you were to grade it in school, that would be an F.

Now, a bottle of Yes! To Baby Carrots Shampoo, which costs about $8 or so, will last me MONTHS. Literally. I bathe Ophelia two-three times a week, and so far, the first bottle that I bought her still has a good couple of months left, and she'll be 7 months old this week. I picked out one of the bottles that Cosmetics Database rates a 0, called Baby Poof, is an 8.5oz bottle for $13 a pop. 8.5oz doesn't really last all that long. Probably a couple of months? So, for almost twice the money, which I'd be spending every 2-3 months instead of almost a year. I'd be spending over $50 for the best of the best that I can do for my baby (with shipping to Hawaii and tax, if applicable). Now, I'm not sure about you guys, but I can't be spending $100 a year on shampoo for both the girls. With the economy the way it is, and living on this little tiny island, the only way to get things to me is by airplane. And with the inflation of gas prices, it costs a ton to get things shipped out here.

So how can I be expected to do the very best for my kids that I can, without going broke?! Especially since we are a one income family, living off post and paying for everything (rent, utilities, tv/internet, cell phones, plus groceries and gas, which is an abomination that I won't even get into right now.).

After reading "Spit That Out!" by Paige Wolf, I've come to see that I shouldn't be worrying about buying everything organic or natural, not vaccinating, buying plastic toys, etc, because if I were to do everything like that, all the time, and worry continually about what I'm using to wash my kids, or what their clothes are made of, or what goes in their tummies, I would be an anxiety ridden mess. And no doubt I'd be filing for bankruptcy, and possibly getting a divorce from spending all my husbands hard earned money. The book makes a point to do things the very best that you can, without losing your shit.

But we obviously can't win as parents. Something is always bad for you, something is always going to cause you cancer, or disable or disfigure you somehow...its tiring. Its tiring to know so much information. It's tiring to try to keep your family safe and healthy.

So I've come to the conclusion that I can't do it all....I can only do the best I can, and leave it at that. And I think that's all we can do as parents. So if you are an anxiety ridden mama, trying to do the best for your kids, and you feel like you're failing...just remember to do the absolute best you can. Make compromises. But don't over analyze everything...because you're going to be stressed out, and broke.

But regardless. We still can't win as parents.

Mother Nature -- She's a Bitch

As we are all aware (hopefully), there was a magnitude 8.9 earthquake yesterday that rocked Japan. Aftershocks are still following the massive quake -- there have been hundreds. A tsunami hit and devastated the country. I am deeply saddened by this whole situation, and the people of Japan, and people I know who live there are continually in my thoughts.

Japan

 The state of Hawaii, where we live, issued a tsunami warning around 9:30pm last night. People were rushing out to fill their cars with gas, and hitting up 24 hour grocery stores to stock up on non-perishable food and bottled water. We didn't. The zones closest to the shore line were evacuated. The tsunami was scheduled to hit the island of Oahu at about 3:21am. 

Diamond Head Reef -- which drained about 5 times before I finally fell asleep. It was seriously eery.

I'll be honest, I went from "nahhh, nothing is going to happen" mentality to "oh shit, we're fucked" in about an hour. I flipped out. Brad probably thought I was completely over reacting, and maybe I was (okay, I was) but natural disasters are no fucking joke. The only natural disaster I've ever been in was an earthquake in Washington in...2001, that was a 6.8 magnitude quake. I was going over to my boyfriends house after getting all my classes for the next trimester, and as I was getting ready to step in the door, the quake hit. It was scary, but it was over before I even knew it, and there was hardly any damage...1 person died due to a stress related heart condition, and about 400 people had reported injuries. That was the only natural disaster that I've ever been in, and to tell you the truth, the word "tsunami" never popped into my mind when we were getting ready to move here, but last night really made me reevaluate our emergency preparedness....of which we have none. I scrambled around the house for forty-five minutes to an hour, gathering clothes and diapers for us (the diapers were just for Ophelia), and any non-perishable food I could find (which we have little of), and try to fill some jugs with water. I finally managed to gather about two sets of clothes for each of us, and the food, which consisted of crackers, tortillas, cereal, Reilly snacks, chips, bread and peanut butter. Oh and a couple of huge cans of fruit. You can tell how prepared we were. 

Fire in Japan

Luckily for us, unless there is an earthquake that causes a tsunami right next to us, we will have at least a couple hours before anything hits us. But this made me realize that we are not prepared at all, and if we needed to be evacuate, we would have to rush to gather things we need, and in that rush, I can guarantee that we would grab everything. So now my new project is to slowly gather things for a disaster kit. This is from FEMA for a disaster kit. I suggest that everyone make one. There are also places you can buy one, but I think making one to better suit your families needs is better, while using a list as a guideline. Really, I do encourage everyone to make one. Even if you don't think you'll need it. Plus, it might come in handy for a zombie apocalypse. Just sayin. 

Sunken house in Japan

You never know what could happen with a natural disaster. Mother nature is a crafty, crazy, unpredictable bitch, and we need to be prepared for what she has in store, even if that means putting together a box that we may never use. Well, that we hope we'll never have to use anyway. 

Tsunami strength path. Hawaii is about at 220 and 0. (There abouts, not exact)

So friends and family, please, take precautions for any natural disaster...tsunami, earthquake, flood, hurricane...whatever it may be. Make sure you provide things for your family. 

Also, if you feel the need to help out in Japan's time of need, you can text REDCROSS to 90999 and donate $10 to relieve for Japan. You don't have to, but the Red Cross is doing the same thing they did with Haiti (which I donated money to, and probably will again). And yes, it's legit. I looked on the Red Cross website.

Taking A Break...

So I know I posted yesterday about how I've been on hiatus and I'm oh so sorry, but I'll be back right?

Well, sorry to disappoint (if I'm even doing that), but because of the lovely Sayward Rebhal over at Bonzai Aphrodite , I will be taking a month long break from the internet. Okay, not a complete and total break from the internet, but I'm limiting myself to about an hour a day; checking my email and facebook in the morning and then in the evening, and then I can go online for however long it takes me to do my weekly menus. (And possibly doing school work for the doula class that I am hopefully going to be signing up for this week that is 100% online...obviously I can't ignore the internet if I'm doing school work right??)

I spend the majority of my day with my laptop on and open to facebook and I usually have about 8 tabs open on my browser as well. Even when there is nothing to do! I waste A LOT of time. Seriously...a lot. So I'm taking a break. I know, I know, I'm sad too, but with my family coming to visit in just a short couple weeks, I need to concentrate on my house and my family and less on my computer and the internet. If it wouldn't break my heart, I would just cut our internet all together (and plus, I don't want to make the husband sad by cutting off his xbox live...)

I'll update you all when I get back at the beginning of April. In the next month, we're having my mom and my sister in law visit, and Reilly turns 5!!!!! FIVE PEOPLE!! She turns FIVE.

(PS - I'll still be uploading pictures from my phone, I'm totally sure. I have friends and family that need to see my cutie patootie girls!!)


So farewell intrawebs. Farewell (tomorrow).

I LOVE YOU INTERNETS!!!

Hiatus

I've obviously been on a blogging hiatus. Sad, I know. I'll be back soon though, I promise!

Making a Multifunctional Playroom

So this is what our playroom currently looks like. Kinda sorta. There are dots all over the wall by the chalkboard. And there is a whole other part of the room just to the left of that bookcase. But there isn't anything there other than a big pile of books that came down from my bedroom about pregnancy, and a box full of Ophelia's toys and books. So really, there isn't anything going on in my playroom.

Since we've moved here, I've had visions of putting a comfy chair or small loveseat in that room to make it have a little more of a grown up feel to it.

So I've been looking all over Craigslist for a nice looking and CHEAP chair or loveseat. 

This is the chair I found. Nothing spectacular. Brown in color. Plain. It was $85, so it didn't cost a whole bunch. Just a nice little chair. Brad SHOULD be picking it up soon. So this is the chair. I'm waiting for it to get here so I can evaluate what colors I can use with it. Right now I'm thinking plum and cream as main colors...but we'll see I guess.

Since I think every piece of furniture needs either a table or ottoman, I'm looking for a cheap and junky (but functional) coffee table so I can Make an Upholstered Ottoman in my color choice! Seems simple enough right? Then I'll just add a side table and BAM! Got myself a nice little reading nook.

But that's totally not all. Previous to moving, we bought these shelves to use as part of a TV stand...unfortunately, we could only use one due to the space that we had. So I have that thing that I'm planning to put under the smaller of the two windows in the reading nook to use for storange -- books, magazines, blankets, what have you. I'm also going to have my mom see if she can find any chair cushions in the as-is section at Ikea the next time they go. I saw this post about using the cushions as a cheapy dog bed. Since we don't have any dogs, I'm going to make some to use as my own floor and bench thingy pillows. That isn't all -- I'm considering making these Floor Poofs or these Floor Cushions. I have yet to decide, but I have so many options!

Next. I want to kind of put a wall between the reading nook and the playroom. Not completely closed off or anything like that. But I want to definitely give at least the illusion of separation. So remember that bookcase in the very first picture? {Go ahead and scroll up, I'll wait....} Okay, you see that big huge bookcase? I'm going to turn that around so that the book spines are facing the front of the house. On the back of that bookcase, I'm going to put some pretty paper or something, followed by a piece of plywood or particle board, and then some cork board. That cock board is going to be facing the play room side of the room, so Reilly (and eventually, Ophelia) will be able to put her pictures up on board to show off. I'll also have some storage on the side of the bookcase that isn't up against the wall for toys and stuff too.

Then, the playroom side will be super fun. I'm going to put in a built in desk, just like this with one exception. I'm going to put it in the corner. I'm going to cut out two holes in the top and put in little metal tins for Reilly's markers and pencils and crayons. Underneath I'm going to add some storage...I haven't quite decided what exactly yet, but it's going to be storage for Reilly's coloring books and paper and stuff like that. Probably add a garbage can and some kind of lighting as well.

Next task is to figure out some storage for Reilly's board games, puzzles, and random little toys that she keeps in the play room. And storage for Ophelia's things as well. That's where her play mats and little toys and her exersaucer are to be stored. (PS! If you have storage ideas for board games, puzzles, crap like that, PLEASE let me know and send me links! I'm looking for ways to store everything).

Here's a little rough layout (yea, I did it on Paint. Sue me!) for you to look at and see where the things will lay. I know, it looks like a disaster. I'm well aware that I have zero artistic skills. See that white space up there on the right hand side? That's where storage is going to go. It's sloped down because thats wall is where our stairs are.

So check that shit out! How excited are you for me?! Seriously, I am stoked. I'll continue to post on the progress I'm making. Like I was telling Brad a week or so ago -- our house feels like home, but it's never felt homey. It's just kind of put together and it holds all our things where the should be. I'm just so excited to do something DIFFERENT with our house. Playroom/reading nook is going to be first -- then I'm going to be tackling the kitchen. I'm excited for that as well!

Be back to posting soon. Promise!

What's In Your Bag??

As promised, my What's In Your Bag post.

Seriously -- if you have an doubts that people like to see whats in other people's bag, go to google and google "what's in your bag" and click on images. Seriously. Do it.

my bag: made for me by my Aunt Cheryl!

Okay so, here's my bag. It's pretty basic. And super cute.

An inside view....I know, my camera put the outside in focus, but not the inside. It's not organized AT ALL and it just has stuff shoved in there. I've never been a fan of organized purses. I LOVE just blindly shoving my hand in there and touch searching for what I'm looking for. I do it all the time. Even if I actually look in it, I still have to touch search.

Here's everything all laid out. My purse wasn't actually THAT full this time around. Shocking. But I know you all are laughing at the ridiculous shit right? Right.

Close up. What's in this picture?:
1-my wallet.
2- my cell phone, which I left in my purse all night, with an unimportant missed call
3-SOPHIE! (she squeaks when I walk sometimes)
4-Fig Newtons. I grabbed them as a snack for Reilly on Saturday when we did some running around
5-a random hair tie
6-tube of Carmex. Never leave home w/out one
7-a bottle of hand sanitizer.

And on this side:
1- Receipts. One from the post office (I bought tape) and one from Whole foods
2-Address of whole foods (to put in our GPS)
3-baby rings. I think I had more than 2 in there at one point, but right now, its just the two.
4-last weeks grocery list. With most everything crossed off.
5-My planner. Seriously, I try not to leave home without it. I have things to write down. Plus, it gives me something to do while we're driving, since I have that stupid little phone.
6-More hand sanitizer. I would say that I have a problem, but that is the lotion kind. It helps keep the hands from drying out from using too much regular hand sanitizer.





So there you have it. What's in my purse.

That was fun right?! Right.

What's In Your Bag? Pre-game.

Okay, so I recently (today!)  found this new blog that I {adore} to the max. Nice Girl Notes. She's highly entertaining and is a mommy and wife and I just love, love, love her.

I'd be her real life friend if I could -- that's how much I just adore her blog.

So since I stumbled upon her blog, I've been reading back entries (like I do when I find a blog I like) and I found this one from back in September. I know, I know, I'm about 4 months too late. Sue me, I had just had a baby.

But now I want to do it because...well...it looks fun.

So tomorrow, what I'm gonna do is take pictures of my purse. I know....it sounds boring right? You'd be surprised what people on the internet will look at. I mean, look at all the porn that's out there, and then tell me my purse isn't more interesting than naked girls flashing their hoo-haas around.

Back to the topic -- tomorrow, I am taking a picture of what is in my purse.

Aren't you excited? You should be. Really. Be excited.


You never know what you're going to find in there. Sometimes I'm even shocked!

Stay tuned!

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Dip -- a cooking post

I seriously almost peed my pants when I stumbled across this little gem. (Using stumble! for Firefox no less!)

It's from How Sweet It Is. A fun little blog.

Anyway, it's a pretty easy recipe. Very minimal work honestly.

There's only three things I would change:

1- Honestly, I would add less cream cheese. Not that it's bad with the whole amount, but it was VERY cream cheesey. But again, not in a bad way.
2- I would get a whole slew of things to put it on/dip in it...fruit (apples would be a great choice), Nilla Waffers, things like that.
3- I would wear bigger pants.


Cookie Dough Dip
makes about 1 1/2 cups
1/2 cup butter
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 8-ounce block of cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cups chocolate chips
Melt butter in a small saucepan over medium heat. Add brown sugar and whisk until sugar dissolves and mixture starts to bubble. Set aside to cool, and whisk in vanilla.
Cream together cream cheese and powdered sugar for 60 seconds. With mixer on low speed, add in brown sugar and butter mixture. Mix until combined.
Garnish with additional chopped chocolate. Serves with fruit, cookies, crackers, pretzels or a spoon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I feel like I'm going to explode after eating that bowl with Brad. 

oh.my.god.

yea, my eyes are closed. its better than the blurred version

 If anyone makes it with less cream cheese than the recipe calls for, let me know. I'd like to know if it makes a difference. Just be aware...it's yummy and absolutely horrible for you.


Enjoy!

Why I don't let my baby cry...

Every baby cries. It's just something that goes along with having a baby. They cry when they are hungry, cold, tired, too hot, need to be changed...babies cry for a lot of reasons since they don't have the language down yet. It's how they let mom and dad know that they NEED something.

After months and months of long nights, and being sleep deprived, moms and dads are generally at the end of their ropes. I know, I've been there. That's when the advice starts in. "Let your baby just cry in his/her crib. It's okay." "I did the [insert method type here] method, and it worked perfectly for us! Now so and so just goes to sleep and sleeps all night!"

While, IN THEORY, we'd all love for there to just be something magical that happens that makes babies sleep through the night and not cry. I would have loved it with Reilly, and I would love it now with Ophelia. Tons of different doctors have written books on how to get your baby to sleep though the night with different CIO (cry it out) methods, and people who use said methods claim that they work.

 The Ferber Method tells parents to leave their baby in his/her room, and check on them periodically, until they fall asleep, starting with small time frames, and working your way up. (ie - check on your baby after 3 mins, then 5 mins, then 10 mins, until your baby falls asleep.) In theory, this could work without letting your baby cry. But those of us with babies know that if they are upset and NEED something, they are crying (read: not fussing) before those three minutes are up. Ophelia can go from happy to sweaty crying in a minute. (Usually in the car). I honestly don't know many parents that can handle their child crying for three minutes when they know that there is something that they can do about it.

Gary Ezzo (read: not a doctor) created a method called Babywise.  He created (along with his wife) a parent-directed routine for babies. Suggesting that they have a strict schedule of eating, sleeping and play time. Here is an excerpt from the website:

Babywise presents a parent-directed schedule or "routine" for nursing, napping and wake-times to give parents control over their baby's day. The Ezzos believe this promotes character formation in the infant by giving the baby experience in delayed gratification and submission to parental direction. By contrast, they have portrayed demand feeding of infants as a dangerous, child-centered practice which indulges undisciplined desires for instant gratification.

I'm sure you all read that and this weird contorted facial expression came over your face, and if we had word bubbles, yours (and mine) would probably be censored. I have the biggest problem with this guy. His methods have been linked to failure to thrive and poor weight gain in infants because he preaches that feeding your baby on demand is spoiling them and that your children are trying to manipulate you by crying. To be honest, I have considered testing the pediatricians that see Ophelia and asking them if they have anything to try to get her to sleep through the night and see if they recommend this guy. Thankfully the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics), as of the late 90's, has stated that this isn't a healthy method to follow. (Here is a resource link filled with good info: http://www.rickross.com/reference/gfi/gfi5.html)


Personally, I've never used a CIO method. I never let my babies CIO. I think the first time I let Reilly "cry herself to sleep" was when she was about 19-20 months old. By that time, she knew it was bedtime. She knew I was there. She was just fighting it. Within 5 minutes of letting her "CIO", she was asleep. I wouldn't even consider it CIO....She was standing in her playpen, "yelling" at me, stomping her feet, and just refusing to lay down. Once she laid down though, she was out. We've never had a problem with Reilly needing to be cuddled to sleep or sleep in my bed for long periods of time...she just goes to sleep. And she's a great sleeper.

The point is, babies cry. They cry because they NEED something. My baby...my 4 month old baby...isn't trying to manipulate me. Hell, Reilly didn't even try to start manipulating me until she was about 3. If you think that its okay to just let your baby cry, even after all their basic needs (ie: hunger, warmth, diaper) have been met, you are just plain wrong. A basic need for infants consists also of being close to mom and dad. Getting cuddled. Being held. Sometimes, babies just want to be held....to be close. Ophelia does it all the time. Yea, she has periods of the day where she is perfectly content hanging out in her swing, or laying on her play mat or the couch and just playing. But other times of the day (mostly at night) she just wants to be loved on. And why should I deny my baby something that can so easily be given, just to do things around the house?

my sleeping baby. fell asleep WITHOUT crying.

A lot of mom's and dad's get defensive when you bring up the fact that babies shouldn't be left to just cry. I have a theory as to why. When we leave our babies to cry, it tugs at our heart strings. When Ophelia (or even Reilly still) cries, I physically hurt. All I want to do is cuddle her till she can't be cuddled anymore. And sure it gets frustrating (especially those babies with colic), but my job as a mom is to comfort my children. And I honestly believe that the reason people who use the CIO methods get so defensive is because they feel guilty that they let their babies just cry.

Crying isn't just bad for mom and dad, who feel emotionally (and sometimes physically) bad for letting their babies cry. Of course its bad for babies. Our babies depend on us to be there for them. And what happens when we aren't? What happens when they are left all by themselves to cry? They come to realize that mommy and daddy aren't going to be there to fulfill their needs. "I'm crying. No one is coming. My needs aren't being met. I'm all alone." And honestly, who needs that? Research has found that leaving babies to CIO can cause brain damage. (http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/crying-it-out-causes-brain-damage.html - this was done in 2006, but still.)

So why would you subject your child to just cry it out, feel abandoned and alone, when you, the parent, could do something about it? Even just holding your child while they are crying is better than just sitting your child down, away from you while they are crying.

It's just something Brad and I aren't fans of. We don't let our babies, especially Ophelia, cry.


(side note: if you feel like you may hurt your child because of their crying, please just place them down in a safe spot, like their crib or swing in a separate room, and step out for a few minutes. One of the biggest causes of baby injury is Shaken Baby Syndrome. It can be prevented, and stepping away for a few minutes to clear your head or take a break is better than a dead or brain damaged baby. Please DON'T SHAKE YOUR CHILD! They did nothing wrong.)

My First La Leche League Experience

For those of you who don't know, La Leche League is an organization that is all about breastfeeding. Feeding your child the best food that you can give them and do what is best for your baby.
This is their philosophy:

Mothering through breastfeeding is the most natural and effective way of understanding and satisfying the needs of the baby.

Mother and baby need to be together early and often to establish a satisfying relationship and an adequate milk supply.

In the early years the baby has an intense need to be with his mother which is as basic as his need for food.

Breast milk is the superior infant food.

For the healthy, full-term baby, breast milk is the only food necessary until the baby shows signs of needing solids, about the middle of the first year after birth.

Ideally the breastfeeding relationship will continue until the baby outgrows the need.

Alert and active participation by the mother in childbirth is a help in getting breastfeeding off to a good start.

Breastfeeding is enhanced and the nursing couple sustained by the loving support, help, and companionship of the baby's father. A father's unique relationship with his baby is an important element in the child's development from early infancy.

Good nutrition means eating a well-balanced and varied diet of foods in as close to their natural state as possible.

From infancy on, children need loving guidance which reflects acceptance of their capabilities and sensitivity to their feelings.
 

 

 

They have groups all over the country, and the world, to help mom's and dad's have a successful breastfeeding and parent relationship with their child. 

 

 

international breastfeeding logo

So yesterday, January 10th, my friend Jamie and I went to a LLL meeting here in Hawaii. The awesome thing about LLL meetings, besides the support, is that kids are welcome. Even Reilly came, fully prepared with a bag with books, her iPod and DS and a pillow pet to keep her entertained. 

 

At every meeting, something is different. You have "class time", where they discuss the benefits of breastfeeding, and other breastfeeding related topics. Yesterday, we passed around "goodie bags" filled with things that have to do with breastfeeding, or having a good breastfeeding relationship, especially the first couple of weeks. We all talked about our personal experiences, and textbook information, all of which was very helpful. There was time for a Q&A afterward. They also have a lending library, where you can "check out" books from them and read them over for the next month, and then return them. Makes it easy to get the books that you want and are beneficial to you, without having to search out in a public library, spend time looking at a bookstore, or ordering online. 

The only negative that came out of the meeting was the fact that during the entire thing, there were side conversations going on. I have to admit, I was guilty of carrying on a side conversation or two, but in general, it was a little irritating to listen to about 4 conversations all at the same time. It was hard enough that there were older kids running around, that the conversations were just a little much. I'm not sure how that would be in meetings elsewhere, and I'm not sure it's always like that, but that was probably the only negative. 

 

I encourage all my breastfeeding or pregnant mama's to give it a shot. At least one meeting. On their website (linked above) you can find meetings in your area. They generally meet once a month and the LLL leaders are available via phone or email in between. They are a great wealth of information. 

(Please note: Not all members or leaders are going to be amazing. As with any group, there will be women who you won't agree with. That isn't to say that it still isn't a good idea, just be aware that you may not get along with everyone.)