Don't Be A Negative Nancy

The other day, I had the displeasure of getting into an argument with someone...a friend of my husband's....over doulas. She is a nurse. She went to nursing school, and as far as I am aware, she is currently working as a nurse somewhere over in the Midwest.

Before I go any further in my little rant, I need to make something clear. Just because I am a doula and a natural birth advocate does not mean I am anti-nurse/doctor/medicine. I have a lot of respect for doctors and nurses. They have worked very hard to get where they are. I do not think that medical interventions are always unnecessary. The majority? Maybe. Even half the time? Quite possibly. I am obviously speaking of pregnancy and childbirth only) But I am very thankful that we live in a day and age where we have the tools necessary for emergencies. I am of the opinion that doctors have turned childbirth into a completely medicalized process, treating it as a disease instead of something natural. And however I may feel about some nurses and doctors on a personal level (for instance, I am not a big fan of the head nurse and OB who attended Ophelia's birth) does not carry over into how I feel about nurses and doctors on a professional level. And while I'm on the subject, I am a natural birth advocate, and I believe that if a woman is making an informed choice on her terms instead of a doctors, she has the right to make whatever choice she desires. I personally want women to be informed about what they do to their bodies.

That being said....this is what started the whole debacle:

I have never seen a doula around here. Interesting. We the nurses do all of the before and after teaching and are very hands on through the delivery process. We also have lactation consultants (also nurses) come in and will go to women's homes. So I am not really seeing the point unless it's a home birth.

Phew. Is anyone else irritated by this statement? Or is it just me? As a woman who has given birth two times myself, and has many, many friends who have given birth, I just would like to call bullshit. For the record, the woman I am discussing has never been pregnant or given birth. Lets see...with my first baby, no nurse explained to me what was going on before or during labor. They just told me to do things...."pee in this cup"..."put this on"...."lay like this". Hands on? No. With my second birth, no nurse did anything "hands on"....unless you consider hands on putting an EFM on my stomach, asking me when I wanted to get my epidural, then making snarky comments when I said I wanted a natural childbirth. Then ignoring my requests after Ophelia was born. Yup. Hands.On. Also, I am unsure of any LC who is staffed at a hospital who makes house calls...though maybe there are some...who knows.

We make recommendations, advocate for the patient based on our medical knowledge that we went to college for, not just by taking a course.

I personally, have never had a nurse advocate for me. I have had them make snarky, condescending comments, but not make recommendations based on what I want, or advocate for me in any way.  I know they are out there. I do. I know a couple of women who are nurses and who are caring and compassionate women, and I would assume that personality carries over into their career. With that being said, I have seen very few labor and delivery nurses advocate for a patient. I've read a blog of a L&D nurse and she talks about how difficult it is to advocate for a patient.  (I cannot find the blog right now, but I'm looking, I swear.) I can understand why it would be difficult to advocate for laboring women. Every other place in a hospital is filled with people who are sick, have diseases, or are dying. Except the Labor & Delivery ward. L&D is just filled with mommies having babies, which they have been doing for thousands and thousands of years. As I stated earlier, I believe that childbirth is over-medicalized. According to the CDC the cesarean rate was 32%, which, according to the WHO, should only be 10-15%....which means about half of all the c-sections performed each year are unnecessary.

For the record, I am not sure where in a hospital this nurse works.

We are the patients' advocates and have the medical knowledge to back it up. Any nurse without a backbone to stand up for their patient doesn't need to be a nurse! We don't work for or have to answer to the drs. I have many times told drs what my patient wants or doesn't want. Now I see shy doulas are used so little, lack of medical knowledge.

Again, I personally have never had a nurse advocate for me. A lot of mama's I know who have delivered in a hospital  have disliked at least one of their nurses, if not the majority of their nursing staff. I have read stories of L&D nurses all but being forced to perform unnecessary interventions or procedures on patients that those patients do not want. I have read stories of doctors who do not care what the patient, support person (husband), or nurse says, and do whatever they want anyway. Doulas may not have gone to school for 4 years. Doulas may not be able to give medical advice.

I would LOVE to know where you get your evidence based research. Googling something don't count. Any one or two studies with a handful of participants isn't grounds for evidence based. Do your research on evidence based practice. In layman terms it means MULTIPLE studies were done to show the best, most effective and safest way to do something. Get on CINHL and then talk to me about evidence based research. Good luck in educating yourself. I am pretty sure drs and nurses view birth as something natural.

To me, this is not only an attack on my job but an attack on me personally.  I have read numerous books and studies about labor and childbirth. I know the deal. I know what is necessary and when, and what is not. I have not witnessed many OB/GYNs who practice evidence based care (though that does not mean they aren't out there). I personally do not believe that doctors view birth as "something natural" but a problem they can fix...I know my attending OB at Ophelia's birth didn't...the look on her face when I told her I wasn't moving and was going to push instead made it very apparent that she had never seen a natural childbirth before. I'm a lot of nurses view birth as natural, but that doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Nurses are nurses, plain and simple. They are overworked and underpaid and have a lot of shit to do on their shifts. They have more patients than they can handle sometimes. They do their best. I truly believe that nurses want to do what is best for their patient...but it doesn't always happen. While technically nurses are not employed by the doctors, they ultimately fall under doctor rule, and often times have to do things that they aren't comfortable with. Not listening to a doctor can have its consequences when you have to work with them on an almost daily basis.

For the record, googling stuff DOES count as long as you are getting your information from reliable resources. Just for the record.



I was so angry. I still am a little irritated. Not only was what I want to do with my life (right now) attacked, but I felt personally attacked as well. Have I gone to 4  years of nursing school? No. I haven't....not yet anyway. But I never claimed to know everything. I know a lot more than a lot of pregnant women about the body, labor and childbirth, but I do not know everything. Being a doula means you are continually learning...just like being a nurse or a doctor. Can I give medical recommendations? No I can't. But I can give my clients the information that I know that has been published by doctors, midwives and other professionals. I'm not saying a doula is for everyone either. I'm not bashing women as a whole or the choices they make. I feel that every woman has the right to do whatever she wants to do to her body, which is also why I'm Pro-Choice. If a woman gets pregnant, and decides right off the bat that they don't want to feel any pain at all, I will make try to make sure that they understand the risks and benefits, but I will not belittle them for getting an epidural...it's not my place at all. I will birth how I feel is best for me and you will do the same.

The nurse that this happened with....I would never feel comfortable having her as my nurse, which is my right as a patient. I have personal issues (aside from this whole thing) with this person that I will not get into, but it is frustrating when someone basically says your job is obsolete and makes cracks about how educated you are (or aren't). And it makes me hurt for the pregnant women. Some hospitals (I know of at least one in Ohio -- and that's almost a different post in and of itself...and is mostly the fault of doulas overstepping their boundaries and trying to play doctor) that have banned doulas all together. Having a doula at a hospital birth has been proven to cause less stress on mom and have less interventions take place, both of which are needed at hospitals.

I feel like I'm making myself look like I'm digging on nurses. I'm not. As I said earlier, I have a great deal of respect for nurses. The nurses I know have worked long and hard, missing out on spending time with their families, to get where they are. And I respect that greatly. I know what is in store for me when I go to nursing school. What I am digging on is ignorance and what I perceive as woman on woman hating. It happens a lot in the birthing community because everyone feels like their way is the best way and that women who do differently are putting them down (for instance, scheduled c-sections vs. natural childbirth, formula vs. breast, etc.). I try to get my point across without telling anyone they are "doing it wrong", but before you start talking shit, please understand that there are many women who don't believe the same thing you do. The attitude this person had (which was very defensive) made it seem like she thought doulas were out to take her job. Which is absolutely not what doulas are trying to do. I don't sit back and talk shit about things I know nothing about. I would hope that other women would educate themselves (just because you go to nursing school doesn't mean they teach you about doulas or you know e-ver-y-thing) before they bash other women. And just because you (the collective 'you') think something is unimportant, does not mean that others feel the same. Doulas have always been a very important part of childbirth. They may not have always been as popular as they used to be, but they have always been important. Having that support is very important to have...whether if be from a Doula, a spouse, a friend or relative, it's important.

I hope I've been able to convey my frustration in a pleasant manner. I tried not to talk shit, or go into 'bitch mode', and I hope I've accomplished that. I will say again, I truly respect nurses and what they do. They are a very important part of our lives. I am not trying to be the nurse when I go into the hospital to doula for someone. Nurses are nurses and I am a doula, and that's the way it will always be.

I don't want to go into this too much, but I attended a birth a little over a week ago. My first one. I was nervous as all hell, my palms were sweating as I walked into the labor room. I introduced myself to the nurses. I feel like I did an okay job. I wasn't too sure of myself, but mama was strong and she did wonderfully. Her little boy is adorable. I had no problems with any of the L&D staff. It was an amazing first experience. As I left the little family to get to know each other, I teared up a little bit as I started my car. Nothing horrible happened, mama and daddy were enjoying their new son and I didn't feel like stabbing any nurses or doctors. That's how it should be. It won't always be that way, but that's how it should be.

I really do hope I've gotten across my disgust for ignorance without coming off as a "know it all". I don't know it all. I don't claim to be something I'm not. I am just frustrated with the lack of understanding. It's frustrating to me to think that THIS is part of the reasons that doulas are looked down upon. Why we are not totally accepted in today's society. It makes me sad.  I hope I've not offended anyone either...my friends and family are very important to me, as well as my readers, and really, I don't want to offend anyone. If I wanted to offend you, I would try harder. Heh.

And thanks for reading all the way through if you made it this far. This was upsetting to me when it happened last week and writing about it has made me feel much better. My best friend told me that there will always be people who make these kinds of comments. And I am seriously thankful that I have more supportive people in my life than not. I hope that by being a good doula and a good person, I can change the minds of those who are "doula haters"....because every woman needs to feel comfortable while she's having a baby, and a doula-hating nurse and a doula do not mix.

I Am Advocate, Hear Me Roar!

As I've mentioned, Ophelia's birth has changed me. I took an entirely different approach to my pregnancy, labor, and delivery with her and it's changed my views on pregnancy and labor/delivery. I am an advocate. I am an advocate for natural, normal, intervention free childbirth. Some of my friends are hard core into politics. Some of my friends, including my bestie, are all about living the super green life and begin vegan/vegetarian. I am hard core into childbirth.

I wasn't always this way. I have always been passionate about woman's rights, and I've always felt that we, as women, should be able to have a say in what happens to our body, but I wasn't like that with pregnancy and childbirth. With Reilly, I didn't inform myself very much. I was scared to death of the pain and while I said "I'm going to try to go natural", I'm very aware that in the back of my mind I knew I was going to end up getting an epidural. My biggest fear was (and still is) having a c-section with one of my babies.

Please note that I do understand that intervention is sometimes necessary, and so are c-sections. But I am talking about a very normal, no to low-risk pregnancy and birth. 

 The more I read, and hear about women who make uninformed choices, the more I want to do something. And since I am not in a position to really DO anything right now other than write on my blog and direct people to good resources, the one thing I really want to do is shake women and tell them that they need to advocate for themselves and BE INFORMED about their pregnancies and the birth of their children. They need to know that our bodies are made to give birth. They were made to labor. Yes its painful. It's nothing even close to comfortable. Rainbows and unicorns don't come barreling out of your vagina when you have a baby. But the fact of the matter is, most women fear childbirth. The pain, the unknown, the after math...it's all scary. Every pregnancy and every birth is scary and worrisome at some point, and that's normal. But doctors pound into our heads that everything we are doing is wrong, and they know what's going on. Some doctors have never seen a fully natural childbirth, with no interventions, no surgery, no medication. Most doctors only see a few in their practicing years. That's scary! The national c-section rate is 32% (as of March 2010, according to the CDC website.) That's the highest its ever been. A lot of the time it's because a woman goes into the hospital, uneducated, and doctors spew "word vomit" (if I may take a quote from Mean Girls) about the baby being "too big to fit" or "failure to progress". And women listen to them because they are "all knowing" doctors, when in reality, rarely is it ever the case that a woman cannot have a baby naturally because of these reasons. I recently posted on  my facebook a link to a website called My OB Said WHAT!?! and how much it irritates me. (Except for their Thoughtful Thursdays) Some of the things that are on this website are ridiculous. Here, let me indulge you:

“Well, if you want me to be your doctor, you will schedule your cesarean right now.” – OB to mother at a prenatal early in the a VBAC pregnancy.  (Unfortunately, a lot of hospitals have now banned VBAC's - vaginal birth after cesarean)

“We’ll just make sure you deliver by 40 weeks! Don’t worry, almost *EVERY* woman gives birth before her due date!” – OB to mother. (Due dates are JUST estimates. Unless you know the EXACT DATE you ovulated, it is very rare that your due date is actually 40 weeks. And no, not EVERY woman gives birth before her due date. Especially first time moms.)

“If you don’t let me break your water, the baby won’t have a way to get out.” – OB to mother being induced. (The baby can come out IN the bag of water. Its called being born in the caul -- caution, actual birth pictures at that link. It's rare, but it happens.)

“Babies over 40 weeks get ‘sick’ (inside the womb.)” – OB to mother at a prenatal appointment. (Wrong again doc. Babies are perfectly fine over 40 weeks)

“You can refuse, but you’ll kill your baby.” – Nurse to mother during her 32 week prenatal, who stated she wanted to refuse an induction. (Wrong again! Refusing induction will NOT kill your baby.)

“You have only a 20% chance of birthing this baby vaginally. You might as well have your epidural now for your cesarean section later.” – OB to mother. (Blah blah blah.)

“Your baby will die if you don’t have a cesarean by 40 weeks.” – OB to mother who had refused the three hour Gestational Diabetes test. (No. No no no.)

Isn't that scary? Don't you want to run away from childbirth RIGHT THIS SECOND?! This is what women hear every day from their doctors and nurses...and hell, even some midwives. But then you watch something like this: (Yes it is a video of a natural childbirth. Yes there are vagina shots. You've been warned.)

And yes...she's in pain, but listen to the encouragement she's getting from her (I assume) midwives. Don't even look at the video...just close your eyes AND LISTEN. THIS is how childbirth should be the majority of the time.

Not like this (which, while funny, is sadly what childbirth is getting towards):






So ladies, please educate yourselves about childbirth. The doctors are not always right. Gain knowledge about yourself, your body and your baby. Please.

I am a natural childbirth advocate. Here me fucking roar!!


Note: Again, I understand that interventions are sometimes necessary. I don't judge a woman based on how she decides to have her own child. It is her body, her choice. I just want women to understand that our bodies were made for this, no matter what.

Birth Regrets?

I know that everyone has at least one thing that they would have liked to change about the birth of their child. It could have been something as small and trivial as wearing their own clothing during birth, or as big as having to have an emergency c-section. Every parent goes through the regrets at some point or another, even dads...

So what is my birth regret? Well, when I got pregnant, I wanted to have an epidural. I had said from day one after having Reilly that I would have an epidural for all of my subsequent births because it was just too painful for me to deal with. That mentality lasted all of a week or two after I got my positive pregnancy test. I had decided that I wanted to try to have a natural, drug free birth. It was the way that millions upon millions of women had given birth before me, and hopefully, millions and millions of women will do so after me. I made a choice to do my research, come up with a plan, educate my husband, and have the birth I wanted.

Well, what happened was...

I read book after book after book on how to prepare myself for child birth, what to expect, why it was better for both me, and baby, to have a natural child birth. EVERYTHING. I bought who knows how many books on the subject. Most of which I still have sitting next to my bed. I started labor, and it was easy peasy. Even my "bad" contractions when we got to the hospital weren't THAT bad. I could still handle them. And then I went into transition.

Transition: Transition is the phase of labor just before the pushing stage. At about 6 or 7 centimeters of dilation, some of the symptoms of "transition" appear. During transition, contractions become very strong, and often their duration and frequency are less predictable.

At this stage of labor, the laboring woman may feel confused or even unable to cope at all. Legs and arms may tremble uncontrollably. Belching, hiccuping, feeling nauseated or even vomiting may occur. Most women recall feeling irritable and often become astonishingly rude. The coach will need to be particularly attentive and encouraging at a time when it is not going to be too rewarding to do so. The extreme changes in body temperature will require the obvious treatment of either adding or removing blankets.

Toward the end of this accelerated phase, but often before the cervix is fully dilated, the laboring women may feel the urge to push (or what feels like the need for a bowel movement). A couple of these signs, but especially the urge to push, often indicate transition.

If no examination has taken place within the preceding half hour, the nurse should be notified of the changes. Even if it has been less than the thirty minutes and the urge to push is strong, immediately notify the attending person of this sensation. The coach's presence is most helpful during this difficult time.


And then I asked for an epidural. I told Brad I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't wanna have a baby anymore. I was done. Why I didn't figure out that it was transition is beyond me, or anyone else for that matter. I would think that OB's at least would be able to tell where a woman was in labor by how she was acting. But then again, OB's and turned birth into such a medical procedure instead of something that a woman is born to do that it's kind of amazing that they know how to handle a natural birth to begin with.

When I had dead set decided on getting an epidural, and told the nurse, she made a comment that really bothers me, even now. "So you're done trying to be a hero?" Really? REALLY?! You're kidding me right? I wasn't aware that birth was something that gave you a hero status if you did it naturally. Did women hundreds of years ago get medals or something because they gave birth without drugs? Do they get them now? And if so, where the fuck is mine? I digress. That really struck me in a bad way. I feel guilty for even mentioning the words epidural. I'm irritated and mad at myself for thinking I couldn't do it. Bradford was amazing. He kept trying to encourage me to do it the way we had planned...but in the end, he told me that I could do whatever I want. And so I decided.

Luckily for me, Ocho had different plans. She was fast and furious and wanted to get the fuck out NOW. I appreciate her so much for that. She is the sole reason I got the birth I had intended to have from the very beginning, and if either of us should get a medal for being a hero, it should be her.

I know in theory, I have zero reason to beat myself up about it. I did it naturally, with zero drugs, and the only "intervention" I even had was a fetal heart monitor, which was strapped on with barely enough time to catch Ocho's heart rate. But I still do. And I know I'll continue to do so because it makes me feel like a failure to know that I could have not said anything. I could have kept my mouth shut and just dealt with the pain. I could have kept screaming my little head off to get me through it. But I didn't. I bowed down to "the man" and asked for an epidural.

Not next time. I'll be prepared next time. I'll make it through transition. And then they'll have to give ME the medal for being a hero.