100 Words (or less) About Breastfeeding

Amber McCann posted on her blog a couple weeks ago about writing down your breastfeeding journey in 100 words are less. There are so many different things I could say about my breastfeeding journey with Ophelia...it has been an amazing journey. 


So I decided to write 100 words (okay, it ended up being 92 words) about my breastfeeding journey. Like I said, I could say a ton about this journey...but I did limit myself.

I hope you enjoy!


100 Words About My Journey as a Breastfeeding Mother

Number one. Three months. I was disappointed in myself and my ability to push forward during the struggles I had. I promised myself I would do better. Number two. Ten months and counting. Still going strong through 11 weeks of surprise number three. Planning to wean earlier than previously planned, but still confident in making it to at least twelve months. Number three will be easy. Though now I dislike the familiar soreness and the sleepless nights of nursing while pregnant. Number three will be so lucky. As are one and two.

Am I Going to Have a Doula for Baby O #3?

So, as you are all aware, I found out I'm pregnant...again.

I went to the doctor for a dating ultrasound earlier this week, and as of today I am 9w4d pregnant.

I've been thinking about something since I found out I was pregnant.

Do I want a doula at the birth of baby number 3?

As a doula myself...I felt obligated. I felt like I would be looked down on as a doula if I did not have a doula at my own birth! When I was pregnant with Ophelia, I was so upset that I wasn't going to have a doula at my birth. I felt like I would be giving myself the best chance to get what I wanted during her birth if I did have a doula...but Brad did not want a doula present. And after a lot of conversation (and possibly a little arguing) we agreed not to have a doula at Ophelia's birth...we agreed to see how her birth went, and then would come back to the situation when I got pregnant again, depending on how we felt her birth went. I was still a little upset over it, but we had talked it out and we came to an agreement, and we both stood by our choice. Which was ultimately fine. I had a fantastic birth with Ophelia...even though not EVERYTHING went exactly 100% how I wanted it to, I was happy with what did happen. And really, the only things I would have changed, would have had nothing to do with a doula in the first place (like the fact that I did not want to stay in the hospital as long as I did).

So now that I'm pregnant and a doula, I've had to figure out what would be best for my family. As a doula, I encourage mamas and their partners to make the best choices for their families and follow their hearts with what they want to do. I encourage mamas and their partners to educate themselves about the birth process and procedures at their hospitals or birth centers.

So how do I feel about having a doula?

Not good. When I imagine having a doula at the birth of baby number three, I get anxious and uneasy. It doesn't make me feel good. After Reilly's birth, with so many people in the room with me as I was pushing her out, a huge number of people in the delivery room made me feel uneasy. Including myself, nurses and my midwife there were at least nine people in the room with me...that was too many. Even with Ophelia's birth....just Brad and I, the OB and some nurses was too much. Ultimately, I would like it to be me, Brad, a midwife and one nurse...tops. I think all the people are completely unnecessary. So why would I want to add a doula to the mix? I'm also not very comfortable with people *in general*. It depends...if I was back home...I would probably have my mom come doula for me...and even then, I still might not. I am one of those people who needs to be really comfortable with the people who are around me when I give birth. And a lot of that does have to do with my first birth...I felt very uncomfortable with at least one person in the room....and it has really bothered me all these years later.

I am also completely confident in my ability (and Brad's as well) to advocate for me. I'm very educated about what I want and need and what is acceptable and what to do in an emergency. I am willing to speak my mind (and Brad is too). We have come up with things to help us and not hurt us.


So, to answer the question posed earlier....do I want a doula at the birth of baby number three? No. I don't. Am I going to? No. I'm not.


I greatly appreciate the women who have allowed me to come into their lives and be present at the births of their children. I encourage mamas to get a doula if they feel like they need the extra support. I want women to be able to have the birth that they want, whether that means natural and intervention free or induction and pain relief. And I want the ability to birth how I want, without being chastised as a professional. I believe the best thing a woman can do for herself is to find a way to be empowered and well educated, as well as confident in her choice as a woman and a mother, and that is exactly what I am doing by not having a doula.

This is something that has honestly been weighing on my mind and my heart a lot. I seriously felt like I would be "black-listed" as a doula (with all those clients and all that pull I have in the community right? Heh.) for NOT having a doula. It caused me a lot of anxiety and I believe that if I did have a doula at the birth of this baby, I would be one of those women who just stopped labor/dilation/whatever because of how mentally uncomfortable I would be.

So I am not going to have a doula for the birth of my third baby....and this is the best choice for me, my husband, and my baby.

The Good News Just Keeps On Coming!

So I haven't been able to unveil my super secret news yet, but I do have some other fantastic news that I CAN share!

We found out a couple days ago that we're expecting little bebe #3!!

We're so excited....surprised...and a little nervous (at least I am), but excited none the less!

I promise to write more about it later, but right now I'm in the process of getting my house semi-put together...we JUST moved on post on Wednesday!

But I just thought I'd share the fantastic news (even though the super secret news has yet to be shared....*sigh*)

two weeks

TWO WEEKS!! It is two weeks until we get to Hawaii. There is such a serious mix of emotions going on with me right now. And for different reasons too. I'm excited and nervous and stressed out all at the same time. I have taken care of everything I can from Washington State. I've done as much prep work as I possibly can. All that's really left when we get there is getting a place to live, and waiting for all our crap to get there. Though some of it is going to beat us there by a couple days. I also lined up our rental car for the 9 days we'll be without a vehicle...which, to be honest, is a little irritating...I'm pretty pissed at myself that I didn't push to have our car shipped earlier than we did. But there's nothing I can do about it now, just deal. The only other thing I'm worried about right now is money. I'm worried that the move into the house will completely break us financially. I know it'll all work out in the end, because it always does, but it's just one of those things that I worry about. But we have been able to find at least a couple places that we're interesting in at least going to look at. Hopefully we can find something almost as soon as we get there. And not have it break the bank. haha.

We're planning our going away party for June 27th -- should be a good time. Trish (my sister in law) and my mom have been a big help and it'll be great to see everyone, including my cousin, who I haven't seen in years! Probably since right after I got married! She's one of the only female cousin I have who is close to my age, so of course I relate to her super easy -- plus, we both have kids. I just wish that my in-laws could be here to visit with us. :( It's so hard living so far away from everyone sometimes! I dislike the fact that the baby won't get to be born around any of her grandparents -- though almost all of them will be coming to visit shortly after she is born...but it makes me sad. Maybe I'm just mostly sad for myself since I won't have a support system there for me like I did with Reilly. I'm confident in Brad being there for me when I'm in labor, but I did quite enjoy my mom and other family members being around shortly after I had her. It was really comforting.

Speaking of baby -- I'm just two days into the start of my third trimester! Three more long months to go. Sometimes I question, what is better? Being pregnant, or having a new born? I dislike both things for certain reasons, yet, why do women decide that they want to go through them? I suppose all I really have to do is look at Reilly and remember. Even though all the crappy moments of her being a baby, and all the crap of hers that I've dealt with over the years...and having her around makes all the shit worth it. But that still doesn't mean that pregnancy, or having a new born, are entirely awesome. With baby girl #2, I had worse morning sickness, I got way big WAY fast, and now, I get cramps on my sides when I try to go to sleep, and as of today, she's up in my ribs. I sometimes get the feeling that I am seriously getting too damn old for this! But -- other than MY complaints, she's doing just fine. :) We still don't have a name picked out for her, and I don't see that changing any time in the near future...but we do have about 80% of the baby gear we need (I still need to get more clothes and at least a baby bath) -- I've been buying diapers whenever I get a chance, which is great. I'm so excited to cloth diaper her little tush. I just hope that when she's born, she's big enough to be put in cloth diapers right away instead of having to use disposables for awhile. She's movin around in there -- still breech as of 7 June...hopefully that changes soon. I'm not worried about it, as my doctor isn't going to be concerned until I'm like...I dunno, 35 weeks or something along those lines? So I'm erring on the side of caution with that...and the placenta thing...*sigh* I'm still worrying about a lot of stuff. It's a mix worry for myself and the baby, and a worry about how the birth is going to go. It's always in the back of my mind. I have this perfect image of how I want it to go and sometimes I let everything get the better of my thinking...but I'm trying really hard to think positively about the birth experience and I'm crossing my fingers it turns out for the best.

I posted an article from mothering just the other day about kids being there when their siblings are born and the effects of it, including a tighter bond between the two siblings. I've been contemplating having Reilly around...but I don't think the military community would be too keen on having a child in their labor/delivery rooms. I know Reilly could handle it though. How this birth goes is probably going to decide if we keep the kind of insurance with the Army that we have right now. I might need a little more freedom the next time around. BUT we will cross that road when we get there I suppose.

I'll try to update again before we move -- I know the week before we leave is going to be busy. The weekend before we are having our going away party. I'll try to make time. Until then...

<3

the end is near...

Well, we've kicked off our final month in Washington. I honestly never thought I'd see the day I'd ACTUALLY be leaving here. It's a little bitter sweet to tell you the truth. I've gotten so accustomed to having my parents, siblings and best friend only minutes away that I seriously don't know what I'm going to do with myself other wise. As long as I can remember, I have been telling my parents that I want to get outta Washington. I want to move somewhere where its warm and sunny (like California) or ridiculously exciting (like New York, or a foreign country), but after having Reilly, the likelihood of me actually leaving the state with her in tow was pretty much doubtful. But now that we will be basically forced to move every 3 years or so, I have the chance to live in different places! And the stability to be able to do it. Right now my main concern is Reilly getting adjusted to the new surroundings, and the fact that everyone she knows won't be right down the street. But there are some good things for her to look forward too, like the fact that she'll be starting school in Hawaii (preschool just a couple months after we get there) and she'll get to see the beaches and the turtles and all kinds of cool stuff that most kids won't see in their young lives. Of course it'll be an adjustment, and I imagine more than one night of her crying saying she misses her neighborhood in Washington and wants to go back to her house, but I think that after we get her room put back together, and get into the swing of things, all will be better. We're all excited about it....just Reilly and I will have to make the adjustments. And my parents/family/friends. Brad's done it before, so its really nothing new to him. Jerk. HA!


So I'm 26 weeks officially today. Time seems to be completely flying by right now. Of course, that always happens in the second trimester...time just flies by and you look around and say "wtf just happened?!" I have 98 days left (as of today) and a week until I'm in my third trimester. It just seems like I have so little time left before I have this little girl, and I'm not sure what at all I should do. I still have quite a few things I need to get, and right now, it looks like I'm just going to be buying as I go while we're still in Washington, and hope that we can get a house and settled and my parents will be alright with shipping things to me. Or just wait and see what I can get over there. I seriously have one box of baby things -- clothes, diapers, etc....and I don't feel like that's enough. I'm trying to rack my brain for how much shit I had when Reilly was born, but I don't at all remember. Luckily, the weekend before we had all our things packed up, we went out and were able to get a bouncy seat, swing, and pack n play to use as a bassinet. So that I'm pretty relieved about. It's just that the next month and a half or so are going to be pretty hectic and stress-filled for me, and when that happens, I just keep stressing and stressing and stressing and eventually I'll probably break down and cry. I'll stress about things that I seriously DON'T need to stress out about and the mental breakdown just continues from there. It's always the worst when I'm pregnant, but I'm like this anyway. It's ridiculously irritating.....back on topic. I had my follow up ultrasound on Monday to double check and see if my placenta had moved since it was low lying the last time -- it has by the way. They don't see any problems in the future, thank goodness! I was seriously worried that I would be forced to have a c-section that I didn't want, just because my placenta decided to be a bastard. I even got taken off of pelvic rest -- woohoo! Reilly got to see her little sister this time too! She was so super excited. She's getting more and more on board with this baby thing every day, which I am totally thankful for. In the mornings we get to wake up later, she'll rub my tummy and feel where the baby is at -- she hasn't felt her kick yet, but that takes time. She's still pretty hard to get to kick on command. But Reilly is loving being a big sister so far. She kisses my stomach and sings to the baby. She loves every minute of it.


So I guess that's all that's been going on. Or at least, that's all I feel like writing about right now. The last two weeks have been hectic, and while the next week will be relatively calm, I know there is more coming up. Thankfully I have my massage appointment a week from tomorrow, so I'm going to take some time and relax by myself and get massaged. Then I have a hair appointment on Saturday! I'm so excited! Also...hello at least 9 days of nice weather! This weekend its supposed to be almost 80 one day! I love when Washington summer finally decides to come around.

I'll try to update a little more. We'll see how that goes. I have been completely lacking in things to write about lately, and I don't feel like I have the time or the energy to keep up with this. But I will damnit. I DO however need to post pictures from our moving. Granted...our house was still messy, but it was a little hard to see our house all empty. :( I miss it already. I especially miss having cable in our bedroom and Reilly having her own room. Though she LOVES her cubby hole (which, I still have to take pictures of THAT too. See, I'm behind)

I'll update later.

it's bee a long time...

I haven't blogged in weeks. I feel like I can't just take the time to sit down and actually WRITE anything. I could write short little things, but for the most part, I've been too fucking busy! But now I'll take the time to write something. Aren't you lucky?

So we'll start out with the obvious. The pregnancy. As of today I'm 24w3d...but I feel much farther along. I'm not sure if that's because I realized that there is only about 3 more months left in this pregnancy. Three more months? Are you kidding? I don't feel like I have ANYTHING done yet. I don't have nearly enough little baby clothes....yesterday, Bradford and I went out and bought the last big things for baby girl (a swing, bouncer and playard) that are going to be shipped with our household goods. I'm not AS worried about clothes, or diapers, or anything small and light because we can either try to shove that into our suitcases, or we can have mom and dad hang on to it until we get a house and we'll have them mail it to us. The big things were what I was worried about. Anyway...so the pregnancy has been going good...baby girl is moving like crazy and keeping me up at night now. Bradford gets to feel her more and more (when he's actually trying) Reilly is still excited to have another girl -- though, we're still trying to talk her out of the name Princess Baby. *sigh* I've been trying to reason with her that if she names the baby Princess, SHE won't get to be a princess anymore. Unfortunately, she keeps saying that they can both be a princess. Whatever Reilly. We STILL don't have a name for the baby picked out...there are a couple that we have that we're thinking about, but nothing set in stone at all. But I have no doubt that we'll have a name picked out by the time she comes.

Only a few people know about this, but I had to go to Labor & Delivery last week. I had some bleeding and cramping and my doctors wanted me to go just to make sure everything was okay. So I called Brad and I went and picked him up at work so he could go in with me to L&D. The only reason, I believe, that they had me go in, was because at my first ultrasound, I had a low lying placenta, which, if it doesn't correct itself, could end up covering my cervix -- which would mean a c-section for me. So they had me go in and lay down in L&D...monitored me to make sure I wasn't having contractions (I wasn't), they listened to the babies heartbeat, then they did an ultrasound to make sure everything was the way it was supposed to be. From the looks of the ultrasound and what the OB said, everything seemed fine. I just needed to take it easy for the rest of the day. He also put me on pelvic rest until my next scheduled ultrasound so they can double check to make sure that the placenta has moved. Apparently, he couldn't really tell...he said "it looks like the placenta has moved....I mean, I don't see it by the cervix..." -- he seemed like he didn't know what he was doing to me....butttttt whatever. He gave me a green bill of health, just pelvic rest until 7 June.

We move to Hawaii in about a month. 3 July is our OFFICIAL departure date. We have movers coming this week to pack up all our stuff...which is why we've been trying to get everything taken care of before hand...we have to get everything in the room we want it in, and we're working really hard on getting everything together that we DON'T want, so we don't take it to Hawaii when we don't need it. In the last couple days, I've compiled 3 bags of clothes that Reilly doesn't fit into anymore. wtf. I didn't realize we still HAD that many clothes still that she didn't fit into! Holy crap. Now, if I was smart....or cheap....I'd be saving all that stuff for baby girl. But seriously? Who wants to keep cloths around for at least 3 years? Not this lady. Anyway...we're all pretty excited. Today and tomorrow are packing days.....kinda sorta. I gotta get together all the stuff that isn't ours, (Jake & Trish!!) and I gotta get a couple things back from Brooke (cookbooks!) and I gotta start packing out bags for mom and dad's house...including getting Reilly's DS & iPod together with chargers, and getting our laptops separated. I also have to set things aside for Friday, which is when we have our unaccompanied baggage packed up, and I gotta figure out A- what we want to ship and B- how to get it all together easily.

So that's the next couple days. Just going through stuff. Blah.

I PROMISE I'll take the time to blog more...not that anyone reads this. But whatever.

<3

Mother's Day

I know I'm a day late, but Happy Mothers Day to all the mommies!! For my Mothers Day post, I actually wanted to post my birth story from Reilly. It was written over 4 years ago, about a day and a half after I got out of the hospital...

Just wanted to remind myself that it's all worth it...

Hope you enjoy. (btw, this is direct cut and paste so apologies for anything that's off in the post. lol)


Late Tuesday night I started having contractions [around 12-1am] that weren't that bad...they just felt like I was starting my period. I was able to sleep through them. Around 4am I woke up to go pee and I noticed that they were a little stronger, but again I was able to sleep through them. Brett had to get up at 6am because him and Brooke had to go get Brett had to get up at 6am because him and Brooke had to go get his mom's truck for the day and I was the one with the alarm clock, who would actually wake up to it. So I got up at 6, with the plan being that Brooke was going to go get the truck, come home, get Xander and take him to the dentist and then school and I would sleep in with KK. Well, around 7am, after everyone had left, my contractions started getting really bad. I was still able to talk and walk [I was trying to call my mom and I ended up talking to my brother] through my contractions. When they were getting so bad that I was trying not to cry through them, I told Brooke that she needed to figure out something to do with this kids because I wanted to go to the hospital...this was around 9am. I was going on 2 hours of contractions by myself. I wasn't have a very good time coping with them. I couldn't breath right, nothing I could do was calming me down, and I was panicing, mostly because I was by myself. Brooke called Brett and told him to come home from work. Brooke came home to me sitting on to me sitting on the couch trying not to cry. She got KK ready [Xander got dropped off at school and was going with a friend after] and packed me a bag for the hospital while Brett was on his way home. About 15 minutes after Brett got home, we headed to the hospital.



I got there at around 10am and was immediately admitted in. By this point I had very much decided that I wanted an epidural and told them upon admission so that they would have it ready for me once I was examined. I got taken back to the exam room where they checked my blood pressure, and babies heart beat and my contractions. My mom met us there. I peed in a cup and got dressed into my gown [they are so hot by the way] and was on the table. The nurse checked me and I was at 6 cms. Holy hell. I didn't plan on staying home THAT long, but I obviously had no way of checking to see how far along I was, and I was in such pain I couldn't time my contractions, so I had absolutely no clue how far along I could possibly be. They got a room ready for me and I headed down there, having contractions the whole way. I don't really remember much of what happened between the time I was admitted and the time that my epidural started working because I was in such pain. They got me in the room, got an IV started and everything. They got Sharon, my midwife in the hospital. They got the epidural guy [I don't know how to spell it] and everything went by pretty quick. The epidural hurt, and it was hard to stay still through my contractions, but god damnit it was worth it! I would have had a horrible birthing experience if I hadn't gotten that epidural. I got that around 10:45pm. Between 11am and 12pm I was checked every ten minutes it seemed like. Blood pressure and temp. My dad and brother had shown up by this point, as had our friend Jessi. At 12:30, my midwife came and checked me to see how dilated I was and I was at 9.5cm. 3.5cm's in a little over 2 hours. The nurse said that like that it would be likely that I'd start pushing within the hour or so. At 1:40 or so, my midwife came back, checked, and I was at 10cm and it was time to push.

The pushing was by far the worst. Not because I was in pain, because I wasn't, but because I pushed for almost 3 hours. I started on my back [not flat] and pushed that way for about an hour and a half. They then flipped me to my side, which seemed to take hours to do. Then my midwife started suggesting that we use a vacuum and that was NOT something I was AT ALL interested in. But I protested a bit, and she understood, and we tried squatting with the bar, and then back on my back. About half way into my third hour of pushing, my midwife said that I would have to have an episiotomy. I was NOT about that. I tried protesting it, and she said we could try about 4 more contractions and if there wasn't progress, we'd have to or else we have to do something more...so I said okay. I ended up having an episiotomy, but from what she said afterward, I needed it. And knowing that she doesn't do them unless they are absolutely necessary made me feel a lot better. After that, a couple more contractions and my baby was born into the world! They layed her on my tummy, and since I had been pushing for so long they cut the cord immediately [:(] and put an O2 mask on her to make sure she was breathing okay...which she was. We came home on Thursday after spending a day and a half in the hospital with all the awesome nurses! We're breastfeeding and she is an awesome eatter! She latches on so well and just goes and goes! She's been liking to stay up and night and since Wednesday I've been running off of about 10-12 hours of sleep! But I never realized that you could love something so tiny so much. I'm trying not to cry right now I'm just so happy to finally have her here. I don't want to let her go and putting her in her swing or bassinet is just yucky for me. I love it when she sleeps right next to me, especially on my chest. *sigh* This is what heaven is. :)

Reilly Eryn, born March 29, 2006 @ 4:39pm. 7lbs 1oz, 20in




Happy Mothers Day!!! :D

Ohhhh yippie!!

Update Time!!

So today was our 20 week ultrasound. Hip hip HOORAY! I have been super anxious for today to arrive when I made the appointment 7 weeks ago! Last night and this morning there were a couple things that were worrying me. One included twins, which has been on my mind since ultrasound #1 back 11 weeks ago. And two included any genetic problems that they can catch on an ultrasound (for example, Down Syndrome). Well, thankfully, neither one of those were the case today and I had absolutely nothing to worry about as normal...but I guess its a mom thing. Or parent thing....but more so a mom thing? I don't know. Whatever. So nothing was wrong with the baby. Baby was measuring right on target at 19w4d, which is good! I was also thinking that maybe I could have gained so much weight from the baby being farther along that previously thought. Not the case, but I'm not upset that I'm a little bigger in the belly area. Annnnyyywayyy. Everything in baby land is happy and healthy and fantastic. OH! And very very GIRLIE!! Yes, yes, we decided...well...I decided mostly, but Bradley didn't fight me on it...to find out the sex, and I'm pretty happy that we did. I'm not one for surprises, and I really need to get some shopping done (when we have the available fundage) for this baby. So far she's just going to be wearing white onsies....which, might be fine for where we're moving...but seriously? No. I think not. We are all pretty darn excited. I know Bradley was hoping for a boy, but he seems to be pretty happy about it. He's still giving me a little bit of a hard time about "making a girl"....which....yea right. But he, in general, seems happy about it. Ultrasound time is one of my favorite times in the pregnancy. It makes me so happy to see the baby in her happy little cave in my uterus. She was super relaxed today too...just loungin around...probably napping. She seemed pretty pissed that the ultrasound tech was poking at her with that wand. But she at least got to see the girlie parts, and get all the information she needed. Which is always a good thing. We got to see her little heart beating away (146bpm) and her little mouth opening and closing like she was a fish -- at least that's what it looked like to me! It was super cute. She was covering her face and putting her feet up and keeping her legs crossed and just had the "back the fuck up" attitude. Also, according to the ultrasound tech, I have a low lying placenta...which, at this stage of the game, doesn't seem like such a big deal. It could be, but right now, the placenta will probably just move out of the way. I'm going to have another ultrasound in about a month and a half to double check. So that'll be good times I guess. I'm pretty stoked about the fact that I'm having another girl...a lot of it has to do with the fact that almost everyone was 100% convinced that the baby was going to be a boy, and now I'm having a girl. Haha! She pulled a fast one on everyone. So that's whats been up! Baby is fantastic. Mommy and Daddy are happy. Reilly is awesome (and happy that she's not getting a boy!). I am completely giddy today. Finding out the sex of the baby and making sure everything is healthy is such a relief!! I also have to add in the final picture, because Bradley will seriously flip his shit if I don't. It's one of the alien lookin ultrasound pictures (one of the frontals) and he photoshopped it a little bit....I think its hilarious and a little sad for a baby girl. Haha. It's "The Terminator" picture. Yea....yea...my husband is a keeper. Haha. So that's that. Also, now is the fun part of making the name list! Woohoo..........I have a feeling that Bradley and I are going to be butting heads on this thing so what we're both gonna have to do is make some lists separately and then go from there.

I'll do another update soon...just wanted to do the big long post about the ultrasound because I really had a good time then. I wish Reilly could have gone with use -- my mom was sick today, so she ended up going to Auntie Brooke's house -- but other than that, I'm pretty happy with today. Reilly even gets to have her own little ultrasound picture when we get a frame for her and she's so happy she gets it. But another update soon!!

<3

boring update....

It's update time!!

So lets do the pregnancy thing first. 18w4d today. Getting close to the halfway point. Reallllly close. It seems like I've been pregnant for so much longer than I actually have been, but I suppose that's how it always goes eh? I mean, by the time I had Reilly, I felt like I had been pregnant for well over a year. So my pregnancy keeps dragging on and on and I'm pretty much done with it already but I know that in the next 22 weeks or so, it's going to get lots, lots worse. Meh. But I did take some pictures. As always. I've been pretty good about keeping track of my pregnancy with pictures. I just think its crazy how huge I got so fast. When I was a first time mama, I wasn't even close to this size at 18 weeks and this pregnancy it was like BAM MOTHER FUCKER! That's exactly what the baby said too. Not shocking what-so-ever. See that over there? BAM! So in less than a week, we'll be going to our ultrasound to measure the baby -- make sure he/she is healthy and happy as a clam and...dun dun dun!!!...to find out the sex *cross your fingers this little turtle isn't a shy one*. I'm very anxious and excited about this appointment and just wish it would be fucking here already! But I have less than a week, which I am super happy about....I mean, two weeks ago it was three weeks until the appointment -- and these weeks seem to be going pretty faster. Relatively. Ish. Kinda sorta. But anyway. So we got that going. We finally decided on if we were going to bring Reilly or not. We had gone back and forth on the idea, but ultimately we decided that we could bring her. She's old enough to understand and hang out and not lose her shit waiting, so we're bringing Grandma (my mom) along to keep her company while the ultrasound tech does her business, then they'll be able to come in and see at the last minute. I hope Reilly enjoys getting to see her brother or sister. She's been pretty adamant that it's a girl...and she keeps telling me that she "doesn't like boys" -- well, until today when she told me she did like boys....soooo I guess we'll see. Another thing I'm pretty excited about is that the baby is slowly but surely making his/her presence known. Bradford's been able to get it to move a couple times by warming up the belly (because my belly runs ridiculously cold) and the baby has made a few little movements. And its been one or two every day for the last week or so. I'll be happier when they get more frequent but not annoying. Haha.

We also got my parents old bed. The bed we had was ridiculously low to the ground...I had such a hard, hard time getting out of bed. Because of how huge I am, and because it was so low to the ground, I was so miserable. So my parents got a new bed a couple months ago, and they used their old one as a guest bed...they've had this bed for a very, very long time. I loved this bed when I was younger, and I'm really really happy we got it because I just FEEL comfortable. If that all makes any sense. We also got to go to Seattle -- for Bradford's FIRST TIME. We went to the Pacific Science Center which was a total blast. Reilly had so much fun. She loves things like that.

Other than that -- things are just goin...I'm in ZzzzZzZzzzz mode, so this is going to get cut short tonight, but I'll update again soon.

<3

baby showers and beef bourguignon

Yawn. It has been a long week. Though -- since I stay at home, my weeks sometimes blend together, and really the only reason I know its the weekend is because Bradley is at home all day instead of at work. But its been an especially tiring week this week. Anyone else feel the same? Anyone? Good.

So today, I'm 17w3d into the 40-ish weeks of pregnancy. Man this one seems like its going slow....slow ass slow as a matter of fact. But, we did get something accomplished this week that it seems like I have been just completely putting off and putting off and that was complete a gift registry. Well...I guess the registry isn't really done...but those kinds of thing never are "complete" per se. But I got some stuff on a couple baby registries, which makes me feel much, much better. Especially with the big things, like a stroller and car seat and things like that....since I'm huge on everything being gender specific. But we picked out some things that would be perfect for both a girl or a boy, and I'm pretty happy with that. I think Bradley is as well, which is really awesome. So we got that done today. I am honestly excited about that part being as done as I'm gonna get it right now because I felt like it was this HUGE weight on my shoulders that's totally been lifted. Next up is the ultrasound that's coming up in two weeks that I can't wait for! It's such a big deal to me to find out the sex of the baby...oh and also to make sure he or she is growing just fine. Ha. Then after that will be the baby shower that we gotta deal with, which hopefully plays out smoothly. Those kinds of things frustrate the shit outta me...even when I'm not planning them. Brooklyn gave me the task of completing a guest list, which, after a week or whatever of not being able to get it, I finally picked some people for that...which was really hard. I'm a hermit. I like my very close group of a couple friends and that's it. It's not that I don't like other people, its just that I like these people to be around. Sigh. So that's comin' up too. Plus, I have a whole side of the family that lives in the mid-west that won't even be able to be at the shower, which makes me sad as well. But I guess 'tis the life. I'm pretty bummed in general about not being around my in laws during the pregnancy of their first biological grandchild. I know they are super excited, and would love to be closer...sucky. The second picture btw, I look sad because my arms are fat. I'll be working on that soon.

What else?

OH! So we watched Julie & Julia tonight -- well most of it. This is something I would totally, absolutely, love to do, is cook through an entire cook book and blog about it. But I won't. Haha. At least I can admit that though right? But it was a good movie, and I recommend it. The ending could have totally been better...but the story in and of itself was good. Maybe one day...maybe one day I'll cook through an entire cookbook.

Alright -- off to finish watching Celebrity Apprentice with the hubs. More blogs and stuff later.


<3

Today's Frustrations...

So Monday's, even though I don't have a conventional job, are STILL my least favorite day of the week. However, they do have set the entire tone of the week....which is unfortunate.

So what am I frustrated about today?

** The amount of laundry that I still need to fold and put away (I've been "working" on it for about a week now)

** Working on who I want to come to my baby shower -- I'm such a hermit now that I'd just be comfortable with my closest friends and family there...blah!

** Working on my baby registry. I am RIDICULOUS pissed with this. First off, I don't know if I'm having a boy or a girl, and I want gender specific things. People keep telling me to pick gender neutral. NO! I don't wanna! This is my baby. I want gender specific things.

** The car situation. Brad wants to get a new car before we move. I'm not sure how its all going to pan out financially and it frustrates me. I just want a nice, family car, for everyone that I will be comfortable driving around with the kids. And I just want it to be easy....easy easy peasy...where I won't want to throw things and cry over it. That's all I want.

** An effing house. Not here. I've loved the house we've had here. I'm getting frustrated about a house in Hawaii. Though, looking at the military housing referral website today, I do have a good feeling that we're going to be able to get a good place that meets my standards (which include 3+ bedrooms, 1.5+ bathrooms, some kind of garage/storage area, and preferably an actual house, all under $2400. Mostly it just frustrates me that I can't drive down the street and look at houses and we have to wait until the end of June/beginning of July to even look at places. Frustrating to the max.

** Headaches and feeling icky...stupid pregnancy.

** Not getting to go to Ohio before we go to Hawaii -- AND not getting to go to Vegas with Brooklyn and Steven for their wedding. I'm sad about both of these things. I know that once we get to Hawaii, we won't be getting to visit with our relatives a lot, but especially our Ohio relatives. It makes me super sad that we won't be going before we leave. And Vegas because Brooklyn is my best friend -- basically my sister -- and of course I want to be there when she gets married...but with it being just basically a week or so away from when we are leaving for Hawaii, neither one of those things seems possible to do without completely fucking up my system. With how miserable I've been with this baby, the last thing I want to do is aggravate him/her with lots of flying. *sigh*


So that's what I'm frustrated about today (and most likely for the rest of the week)

I think I need a spa day...or a massage...or both! That's what I want....and need. Off to start my laundry list! Hooray...:/



<3

Easter Holiday and Other Come-uppins...

So Easter was today.

My family has never really made a huge deal out of the holiday. No big huge family meals or anything like that. It's not even close to a big deal. I never understood WHY families made a big deal of it. Not that there is anything wrong with it I suppose, I just never got it. Then again, why should I? I don't believe in any god, so I suppose this holiday is not for me. We basically use it as an excuse to give the kid a sugar high and give her little presents that we want an excuse to give her. This year it was Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Squeakual and The Princess and The Frog. She had a pretty decent Easter. We hid eggs all over the downstairs of the house and just let her find them throughout the day. It was too nasty to do anything outside, so we just kinda did it at our own pace. Like I said -- Easter isn't my thing. Sometimes I almost feel bad doing anything on Easter BECAUSE we aren't religious, but right now, its just as much a commercialized holiday as Christmas is. So I just let it ride, and just hang out at home and spend time with the family. Which is what we did today. We watched one of Roo's new movies. I took a nap...all in all a relaxing day. I'm pretty tired and totally ready for bed, but we have Celebrity Apprentice to watch tonight (on till 11...yikes)

Tomorrow I have literally, a laundry list of shit to do. I'm so tired of feeling so exhausted, but having to play catch up on all this crap. So tomorrow, I think that I'm going to work on laundry and our bedroom and bathroom. I can usually tackle that in a day and a half or so, completely get it all the way done -- laundry folded and put away, the rest of the room picked up, that kinda thing. The house always seems to be in good condition (or at least acceptable condition) when Bradford comes home from TDY or whatever, but give it a couple weeks and its just horrid again. And with me being pregnant and not feeling even CLOSE to 100%, it takes me so much longer to get things done and I'm just constantly falling behind. I know it drives Bradford crazy, I just need everything to stand still for just a couple days and I can get it done.

So Reilly's birthday party was quite the success...had some family and friends over, and she got some fun stuff, all in all, a good day. Her ACTUAL birthday however, she was ridiculously cranky, and decided that she did not want to be 4. So we let her be 3 for her birthday. Haha. But she's been 4 now for almost a week...she just seems like she's grown up over night. Looks wise...she's always been a smart kid, but just looking at pictures of her, she just LOOKS like a big kid. I'm not sure where my baby girl went, but man its just so different to look at her now. Look at that!! She is officially NOT a baby anymore, she is officially a damn big kid. *sigh*


So I'm 16w3d pregnant. Almost half way through. We had a doctor appointment on Monday...just a quick check up. Got to hear the heartbeat. Well, it was my second time hearing the heartbeat. It was Bradford's first time. The baby's heart-rate was 140, which, if we go by the old wives tale, points to a little girl. But, I'm not ready to jump to conclusions right now...I have mixed feelings about what the sex of the baby is going to be, and right now, I'm not too concerned. We're finding out the sex at the next appointment, which is coming up on 26 April. I'm really excited about that. Mostly because then I can FINALLY start making my baby registry. I've started looking, but every time I sit down to get it done, I just fail miserably at it. I think its just because this isn't baby number one -- and I don't know what the baby is. I'm really frustrated with the fact that I can't get it done. It's just one more thing that I gotta get done before the move, since Brooklyn and Trish are planning my baby shower for the end of May. Yikes!

So there's that.

Hope everyone enjoyed their Easter weekend and celebrated how they saw fit!


<3

yikes. 10 days!?

So its been awhile since I've updated. So lets get to gettin!

So lets see -- Bradford came home last week. Which, besides him being home again, was pretty uneventful. Though Reilly was very very excited, jumping out of the car and screaming "DADDY!!" while running to him. It was completely adorable. She loves him a ton. So since he's been home its been business as usual...he gets up and goes to work, and Reilly and I hang out and home and do home stuff. It's pretty boring staying at home all day again.

We went out for date night last weekend -- we went to The Rock, where I ate a ridiculous amount of pizza and chips (and drank way too much diet coke) and then we went and saw a movie (Shutter Island to be exact -- was an alright movie....). I love date night. We rarely get nights to ourselves, so it's always welcome. And since we don't have Jax anymore, we actually get to do stuff for date night.

So as of tomorrow, I'll be starting my 14th week of pregnancy. I've been feeling a little better, but it seems like once something goes away, something else comes to take its place. I still feel sick every once in awhile, usually early in the morning, or late at night, and my RLS (restless leg syndrome) has been completely ridiculous the last week or so. It keeps me up at night (unless I'm taking something to help me sleep) and then if I wake up at any point during the night, I can't get back to sleep. I've also been completely exhausted, again...I always want to take naps, and usually end up dozing off during the day at some point...I try to get as much done as I possible can, but my body just needs me to take it easy. I feel bad because I know I need to keep up on the house and stuff, I mean shit, its my goddamn JOB for fucks sake, but I just don't have the energy. After I take a shower, I have to lay down for a little bit. After dinner, I have to lay down for a little bit (or like the other night, I have to lay down in the middle of MAKING dinner) I'm pretty sure I caught Brad's cold, which is why I've been feeling so uber icky lately....but I know its not all cold. So I've just been trying to take it easy -- luckily Bradford has been pretty understanding with everything and giving me a break. I think that he's okay as long as I get something done during the day. And I'm trying really hard, but then again, it took me a little more than a week to get the house clean for his arrival home, and even then it wasn't perfect. I just really hope that I start feeling better and more energetic. On the plus side, we have a couple appointments coming up!! March 29th (Reilly's birthday!!) is my 16 week appointment that Bradford will be coming with me to. And then April 26th is our ultrasound appointment! Yay! I'm still debating on if I want bring Reilly with us -- if we do, Brad has to watch her in the waiting room until right before we're done with the appointment. Mom talked about coming and hanging out with her, but I don't wanna make her do that if she doesn't have to. I think there are pros and cons to both having her come and not having her come. But I think in the end I'll see if someone can watch her for a little bit while we go to the appointment. Whatever, we'll figure it out when the time comes, we still have awhile. So picture update time. (The picture is at 13w2d I believe) Please ignore the ridiculous face I'm making. I was concentrating on sucking in the fat. Everyone seems to be thinking I'm having more than one baby, but I honestly highly doubt it. If that's the case, they might as well cut me open and tie my tubes after the birth...because I think if I had twins, I'd be done. Haha. but anyway. So I'm not as huge as I feel, I don't think. It's just really hard to think that I'm both only 14 weeks AND HOLY CRAP 14 WEEKS! I feel much farther along than I actually am, but at the same time, the last couple months have flown by. I found out exactly 2 months ago that I was pregnant. 26 more weeks to go. Haha. Ish.


So what else is there to update on? OH! Sooooo since my due date was supposed to be about a month before we had to be in Hawaii, Brad and I were talking about leaving early...which I think I mentioned...anyway, when he got back from Maldives, he put in paperwork to see if it would get approved for us to move earlier....well -- it did. July 10 is his new report date, which means, we'll be outta here probably at the very end of June. I feel like we have a lot to do before we move, and of course, I'm the only one that thinks so...but we have to make sure we get all of our utilities shut off and our last bills, we have to get movers here to pack up everything, go through everything, decide what we are going to do about housing, and a car when we get there....and a ton more stuff....it just FEELS like a lot -- it probably isn't all that much. And depending on when we can get all of our stuff shipped will depend on when we can get outta our house....its just deciding a lot of dates and times and what not and we need to kinda get everything as set in concrete as we can since we are depending on mom and dad for a couple weeks before we move for a place to live and a car. This isn't going to be anywhere near as easy as when Brad moved from Hawaii to here....he didn't have a wife and a kid (with one on the way) to move too. *sigh* I'm just glad that we'll be there and we can get settled before the baby comes...I should learn to just let things go and let them happen as they happen and deal with things, but I like to be in control and know exactly what is going to happen and when, and the Army doesn't help with that. :/ But I'll deal and everything will be fine, and I'll just be stressed and Brad will deal with it like he always does because he loves me. It's weird that in just a couple months we'll be in Hawaii starting a new chapter in our lives...a new state, a new baby....my how time flies. Also with moving so fast, I'll have to have a baby shower in time for everything to get packed up by the movers -- so like, the end of May-ish...but then again, its one of those things that needs an exact date....and Brooklyn is dealing with it, so yea.

So Reilly's birthday is coming up. (March 29 like I mentioned earlier) and so is her birthday party (SpongeBob!!) ! I have almost everything -- minus the cake, and a menu...unfortunately, the menu is going to depend on if its sunny outside or not. I'd really love to BBQ something...but I'm not entirely sure what to make! I'll have to sit down this weekend and figure it out...(thought I just checked out weather.com and it doesn't look like its going to be nice at all...sooo) maybe crab cakes or something along those lines? I guess I don't really have to MAKE anything (like lunch) I could just do snacks or something. I dunno. I'll figure it out. I'll get help from Brooke/Steve & Bradford and make a semi-kid friendly menu. I also have to deal with the balloon situation...I want to blow up 50+ balloons to give the house an "underwater" feel, but Bradford doesn't want that many balloons in the house. LAME! I bought them for a reason. Whatever, I'm going to call the Party Store and see how much renting a tank would be vs. having them blow them up.

So I think that's all for now! More updates to come! I'm going to start a weekly food post as well, since I'm always cooking and everyone seems to enjoy my food. It's pretty nommy.

<3

almost there...

So firstly, I'm almost done with my first trimester of pregnancy! A little less than a week left, and I'm pretty excited about that. I'll be even happier when I don't feel like such crap all the time (morning sickness AND just plain exhaustion) Secondly, Bradford comes home soon! In about a week! I'm really excited about that. He hasn't really seen me since knowing about the pregnancy -- he's seen pictures, and he's seen over the web-cam, but that's about it. So I'm sure it'll be quite the shock for him. But that's just what I think. I could be totally wrong. Anyway, I'm excited to see him again -- I've missed him a whole bunch. I just don't want to leave my house super early in the morning to get to the airport on time. And I'll have to leave a little earlier than normal since I'll be heading up north around morning rush hour. Yeesh. Anyway.

So today (1 March) was my "12" week appointment...even though I'm not actually 12 weeks until Thursday. But I had that appointment today. Reilly came with me. She was so good. It was a pretty quick appointment...like most of them are. Got weighed (I lost a pound. lolz. Thanks morning sickness!!), they took my blood pressure (all normal), talked a little bit...including getting a memo from my Doc saying when my "no fly" date starts so that we can start the process of getting able to leave early. We're hopefully shooting for the end of July *crossing fingers* which, would give us only about 4 months to tie up loose ends here. Wow. 4 months? It seems like just yesterday Bradford was reenlisting! Oh, okay, back to the doctor appointment -- Reilly and I both got to hear the heart beat. Which was very exciting, of course! Reilly even got to help with the doppler by pushing the button to turn it on and off, and then helping wipe the gel off my stomach. Ew. I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but I hate that fucking gel. Whatever, Reilly was a huge big help, and she was such a good girl at the appointment. My next appointment is on 29 March (Reilly's birthday!) and she can't come to that one, so she's going to go hang out with Auntie Brooke for a little bit -- the next appointment is a "big" one I guess? Labs and what not. Doing some normal genetic testing (the same one that I had done with Reilly -- mehh I forget what its called) - blah blah blah. Bradford will be able to come to that one - pending they'll let him take off for it from work, which, they really have no reason not to. So that's whats up with the pregnancy thing. (Above picture is 11w2d) Also! I'll be making my appointment for my ultrasound sometime at the end of this week. That would be the ultrasound to find out the sex and make sure the baby is growing the right way. I'm so excited and so nervous at the same time. At first I really really wanted another girl -- but now, I really don't care either way. And I really mean that. I wouldn't mind having a girl OR a boy. Reilly gets to come to that one too -- unfortunately, her and daddy will have to hang out and wait until they get done taking measurements before they get to come in...which makes me sad...but kids under a certain age can't come in for the whole ultrasound. Sad.

Reilly's birthday is coming up, as previously stated, and I think I got all of her decorations for her party taken care of. I feel like I'm going way overboard for her birthday this year, but I have my reasons -- first, its her last birthday as an only child...and second, its her last birthday here in Washington for at least a couple years. So I want to make this one a good one. But I can't believe that my little girl is going to be 4! It seems like just yesterday I was holding her in my arms and she was so tiny...ahhh, hopefully I won't be getting teary-eyed on her birthday. So she's gonna have a SpongeBob themed birthday -- pictures will be coming afterward. I'm HOPING *crossing my fingers* that its going to be nice out. I'd really like to BBQ...but I won't hold my breath. It IS Washington after all. But that WOULD make me very awesomely happy. I would love it. Now I just have to get her birthday presents. I'm getting her a couple Transformer toys...and that's about all I got so far. We're talking about giving her Bradford's iTouch (its 8gb) because he's eventually going to get an iPhone...which I think is a great idea. She would absolutely love it.

What else? Oh! I am completely OBSESSED with etsy lately. I LOVE all the stuff that people put on there. I am completely obsessed and I wish I could afford all the stuff I want on there. The first order I placed was for reusable produce bags from etsy seller LoveForEarth. I CAN'T wait to use them! That over there to the left is what they look like. I use reusable bags 99% of the time (except the odd time I forget them at home when I go grocery shopping) and I'm so happy that I came across these, so now I don't have to use those crappy little produce bags that we just throw away. SOO excited! There are so many more things that I wish I could buy. I'm really big on cameo jewelry and vintage kitchen gadgets right now. So maybe soon. I also got Season 1 of Glee on Amazon for a little over $30 for everything (including shipping) and a book (more like a journal) for all the recipes that i have floating around in my head, and around my house. I need a cute, nice place that I can keep them all, especially when we move -- I don't need all that stuff floating around all over the house! So I'm also excited for all those goodies. I love internet goodies.

Also! One more thing. Today is my dad's birthday! He's 50 today! Old fart. :D I love my dad. I've been through so many mixed feelings towards him over the last 10 years, and I've had to work past a lot of things, but, I know my dad loves me, and I love him and I'm so glad that I have him in my life. He's very important to me, and Reilly, and I would like to assume Brad too. And I know he's important to my mom and my brother and sister-in-law. So Happy Birthday to my favorite dad ever. I hope he has had a fantastic day and enjoys being half a century old. And just a couple years away from senior discounts! ;)

That's it for today -- more soon. Back to trying to outbid other ebayers.

<3

this was uncalled for

Well, we'll go ahead an update since I really haven't for a week or a couple days or whatever, and today, I really have nothing of value coming up (I have actually started a blog on parenting and religion, but I kinda lost my train of thought on that one, so I'll have to pick it up later) so we'll just do this for now.

First off -- if you live in Washington, I hope you are enjoying this beautiful weather! It has been absolutely GORGEOUS the last couple days. *in the picture is Mt. Rainier, I finally got a decent shot when Ri-Baby and I were at the park the other day* It's gonna be going back to the rain here pretty soon, so I've been soaking up this sun. I absolutely LOVE the sunshine. It doesn't matter if its cold, or hot, as long as the sun is shining, I am one happy girl. Which is why I'm not at all complaining about moving to Hawaii this summer.

Lets see, what else? Oh I've been reading A LOT lately. In the last week or so, I've read Push by Sapphire (which the movie Precious is based off of) which is about a 16 year old girl who can't read or write, and was molested by her dad most of her life...and had two children by him. It goes through her struggles and how she betters herself -- it was a really quick read -- a little over 100 pages. But it was a pretty good book. I also read Dear John by Nicolas Sparks (the movie is also out in the theater if you're curious) - about the Army vet who falls in love with a girl, and their struggles through him being stationed over seas, and then deployments after 9/11. It was a pretty sad and sappy book. I cried through a lot of it...but I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I know whats going on...I'm "in the thick of it" I guess you could say. That and pregnancy hormones. Haha. Sooo yea. I would have ended up reading the whole book in one night, but I needed to get some sleep. But it was also a good book -- I haven't actually read any of his other books, but I hear they are good as well. I was just a little shocked at how the book ended...buttt that's cool. It was still good. Currently I'm reading Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According To Kathy Griffin (by Kathy Griffin, obviously). I absolutely LOVE Kathy Griffin. I think she is so fucking hilarious. Her book is turning out to be good too. Next is Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane -- which is now a major motion picture. I haven't read any reviews on the movie, or the book, and I don't want to, mostly because I would much rather read the book first and then see the movie than vice versa. Plus, Shutter Island seems like one of those movies that's probably going to scare the crap outta me and since Bradford isn't here to save me from the boogie man, I decided I wasn't going to go see it while he was gone. So yea.

I don't think a lot of people peg me as a reader -- and while I don't read the most thought provoking, or difficult books, I do read quite a bit, and I do love it. I don't know why I wouldn't be begged as a reader either...I mean, does a part of my personality just scream that? I know that Bradford REALLY hates when I get really into a book, because I basically ignore anything and everything else. Haha. But I can't help when I'm really into a book and I just can't stop. Oh well. I enjoy reading my books -- and that's that.


What else? Oh. Baby update. Umm well, I'm 10 weeks 3 days today (Feb. 21st) I took this picture on Feb. 18th (10weeks)...I still feel like shit. The one thing I want to do is cook and eat food I cook instead of processed shit...I just know that I need to eat, and whatever sounds good is just what I need to eat. My goal right now is to get food in my stomach, every day, and no matter what I eat, I guess is good enough for me right now. I'm hoping this morning sickness just goes away in a couple weeks, so I can start eating real, good food again. I found a couple recipes that I want to make, including this Shrimp and Corn Chowder. Tomorrow I'm actually going to try to make Mustard Chicken -- a recipe that my mother in law makes, and since its just in a crock pot, I think I might be able to handle it. But thats what I really want to do is start cooking again. I never realized how much cooking actually meant to me and how much I really enjoyed it...I mean, I knew I loved it, but sometimes I just thought "why do I do this every single night??" But now I know. And I miss it. But I'm still trying. And I'm still trying to get this house in order -- I'm so exhausted all the time though...like today for example. I had what I like to refer to as an "exhaustion hangover". Yesterday I think I just over exerted myself and today I was just completely wiped out. So I took like, a three hour nap today...and I'm STILL exhausted. Somethings got to give with this pregnancy. I'm already huge, I'm completely exhausted, and sick, and I just want to feel GOOD again. I know it'll pass, but a week and a half is too long to HOPEFULLY be feeling better. *sigh* I'll just deal like I have been. Doing things here and there and trying to keep up with the house work, and taking breaks when I need them, and regaining my energy. That's about all I can do right now. And when I have more energy, I'll be a happy camper. :) I have a feeling that Bradford might think I'm exaggerating some of it...I'm not sure if that's the case or not, but I'm not. (So darling, if you're reading this, I called your ass out. lolz)

So other than that...life has been going by smoothly. Ri's still driving me nuts, as normal. But Bradford will be home in a short couple weeks -- thank goodness. Then its getting plans rollin to get outta here early. We've also already been talking about where we might possibly want to get stationed after Hawaii (lol 3+ years away). But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it...in a couple years. Jumping the gun at its finest.

I need to get some sleep -- Its midnight and I'm still having problems sleeping....so the sooner I get to sleep, the better for me, and everyone else.

<3

you ever have just one of those days....

Today has just been a blah day. I've had some morning sickness here and there, and sure, I've been tired, but a lot today has just been an icky day.

A lot of it has to do with the fact that Bradford is gone...and while I'm a little used to it, it still doesn't make me feel very good. There are days when I miss the crap outta him...and other days I do just fine...like its just another day. Today was one of those days where I miss the crap outta him and I just wanted to give him a really long hug all day long. Some of it has to do with the fact that he's frustrated about stuff that he's dealing with, and that I can't do anything to fix it or make him feel better about it. And of course I want to make things better for him when they go wrong, just like he would want to do for me, and it makes me sad that I can't. Some of it has to do with the pregnancy and being emotional to begin with. My brother in law is heading off again to the middle east, just a year after he got home...and he'll be gone another year...and for some reason its just extra bad this time around for me. Maybe its because I finally got to meet him face to face after Bradford and I had been married two years recently? Maybe its the pregnancy and the fact that I'm bring his niece or nephew into the world? Maybe its a mix of things. I dunno...but I'll be thinking about him...and of course, keeping him updated.

Its days like this where I just want to crawl into a hole and just sleep it out. I've been crying all day on and off for ridiculous reasons -- mostly for unreasonable things -- more insurance commercials...American Idol...just because? I've been lashing out at poor Reilly...and I feel so horrible because, yea, she gets on my nerves sometimes, but she's in general a really good kid...and I love her to death...but I lash out at her sometimes when I'm upset or whatever. I feel bad. But I just get so stressed out about it. And it doesn't help in the least that Bradford isn't home to help take some of the stress away. But I've been trying really hard to be patient with her, and I'll continue to do that. I cried because my house is a disaster area because I'm too exhausted to do everything. So this week I'm going to try to do one room a day...today I accomplished Reilly's room, which instantly made me feel better.

So thats about it...I need to head to bed. Stay tuned for the next installment of my bitch fest.

<3

Baby Update 1

Sooo I haven't really updated on the baby situation since my post about being pregnant. How odd of me. Sooo lets see, we found out I was pregnant on January 17th 2010. I had my first doctors appointment on February 1st...which, turns out was just an intake appointment...which was pretty lame. Paperwork, blood work, some bullshit genetic testing class that was required before I could even schedule my first appointment with an actual doctor. Silly. Anyway, so I did that on February 1st. February 5th I had my first appointment with my doctor. I had to wake up at like, 630 in the morning for my 845 am appointment.

So my appointment. Went in there, did the normal "hey, hows it goin, how ya feelin" crap. Filled out a depression questionnaire. Hooray. Those things are also irritating. Did the glorious pap smear. *shudder* I know you all shuddered too, its okay...they suck. After we did that, the doctor busted out the fetal doppler. HOW I LOVE THE GEL!! :/ Seriously, that shit is gross. Well, she couldn't find the heartbeat. They thought I was 12 weeks, and should have been able to hear the heartbeat. So she brought out the portable ultrasound machine! Yippie! She tried it on the outside first...she could barely see the baby, so we got to do the vaginal ultrasound. Yup. That was just as fun as the pap! Sooo she did that. Great times. But she could see the baby. And the heartbeat. And she measured him/her. He or she was 8 weeks 1 day as of February 5th. That over there is my little turtle. Today (February 12th) the baby is 9 weeks and 1 day. Only 31 weeks left to go! haha. No seriously, its going to be a fun, awesome ride. I've already started picking out baby accessories (stroller, sling, etc...) but no clothes or bedding or anything like that until we know the sex of the baby. I like being prepared with clothing and I hate being surprised. It helped me bond with Reilly and I think it'll help me bond with this new baby. Bradford and I have also been talking about where we're going to have the baby. We've discussed it and it seems like the best idea is going to be for us to move to Hawaii before the baby is born. I won't be able to handle not having my own space when the baby gets here. If we stayed in Washington till the baby was born, we would be staying at my parents house and have to drive a good 45 minutes to the hospital. And I want my baby to have their own space in their own house when they're born. And I think that Reilly is going to need her room all put together when the baby comes...I think its going to be a big deal to her. Maybe I'm wrong. I dunno. So we're looking to move most likely sometime in August...we're not 100% as to when...and even though this isn't what I wanted...this is the lesser of two evils in my opinion. And we'll work it out...we always do. Also, my next appointment is on March 1, so expect an update around then...but until then, enjoy my rants and whatever about ridiculous other shit...like which stroller I've decided I want, and what foods I can and can't eat!

<3

well congratulations then

january. 17th. 2010

what could possibly be that important, other than the mundane drones of everyday stay at home mommy-hood?

well, we'll start from the beginning.
Bradford left last Friday. No, not for a deployment. Not really for training either. Just as...support I guess, would be the best way to describe it. Which..ya know, its fine. I was pretty pissed off at first because he was missing my birthday. AGAIN. For the third year in a row. Everyone says "well, you should get used to it." or "you knew what was going to happen when you got married to a guy in the military"....well fuck you guys. I think I have every right to be irritated and pissed off that he is missing my birthday. I'm not mad at HIM -- so lets make that clear. I'm mad at the SITUATION. I'm mad that I had to turn 23, 24 and 25 all without a kiss or a hug from my husband. I'm mad that what was once the most important day in the year (with a couple of exceptions of course), has now managed to dwindle its way down to say...I dunno...Presidents Day. But I digress. I was pissed. I'm over it now.
Saturday after he left, my mom came over to watch Ri and Jax so I could go run some errands by myself -- and I don't mind taking Ri with me to run errands...but Jax needs a babysitter...so, whatever.
Sunday. Should have been a normal Sunday right? Promises of eggs and bacon for breakfast, only to discover that I forgot eggs at the fucking store the day before and all the bacon was frozen -- I sat down, uncomfortably adjusted myself, I held the piece of plastic in my fingers. I placed it on the counter and stood up, getting myself comfortable again. I stayed locked in there for what seemed like forever.

one line....*no..are you fucking kidding me?! wait...just wait...somethings wrong...I know it...*
two lines....*oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck -- Brad is STILL on an airplane flying to fucking Thailand!! OH FUCK!*

Lets pause right here shall we? I have to explain something. We've been trying to get pregnant since...May 2009. I have thought I was pregnant about 5 times since then. I've been stressed out at the fact that it seemed I was unable to get pregnant. I just ended up putting it out of my head for the holidays because we had a lot going on...a trip to Ohio to see our family, and all the Christmases we had to do before we left. Before Brad left, I told him...I TOLD HIM -- watch this. I'm gonna have a positive pregnancy test AS SOON AS YOU LEAVE.

What happened?! That's EXACTLY what happened.

I had to wait THREE HOURS. Do you know how long three hours is? 180 minutes. A long, fucking time. Especially when the first person you HAVE to tell is your husband...aside from Reilly, who asked why mommy was crying.

I sent him a text message saying "Call me ASAP" and I waited. He would get the text a little while after he got off the plane...I sat down at the dining room table and stared at the computer screen. Google - how to tell your husband you are pregnant. First off....fuck all that stuff. It doesn't tell you a cute way to tell your husband who is HALF WAY ACROSS THE WORLD that you are pregnant. So, I worked with what I had.

"Hey baby! Whats so important..why did I need to call ASAP?"
"Oh...no reason really...I just wanted to see how your flight was.." (fyi, I am HORRIBLE at lying.)
"Oh...uhh..well, you said ASAP...so I figured it was something important"
"No...not really....but I mean, I've been thinking....I don't think we can go to see your parents in September like we were thinking"
"What? Why not?"
"Well...I might be in the hospital" (by this point I'm crying...I'm trying to keep my composure, but I failed)
"Uhh okay...why?"
"Why do you think?! To have a baby!!" (full on tears streaming down the face)
"Oh god are you serious?!...Are you gonna keep it?!" (thank you dear husband for that.)

The last part of the conversation was kind of a blur...he had to go get on a shuttle...I was a total mess. BUT the most important person had been told, so now I could go down the list of other important people to call...my parents, my inlaws, my best friend, my grandma. I've told a couple of very close friends...but for the most part I've kept my mouth shut. Just because I want to wait until I went to the doctor to see how far along I am. I'm skeptical about telling people before I know how far along I am...I also have this completely irrational fear that something is going to happen, and I'm going to move the wrong way, or something, and I'm going to miscarry. What else is up on my list of worries? Twins. Fuck me if I'm pregnant with twins.

Right. So. Thats how my week has been.

We are completely elated. I'm sure he's a little bummed that he has to basically enjoy the first trimester of my pregnancy half way across the world...but, whatever.


We're gonna have a baby!!!

<3